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KIPLING 
DAY • BY . DAY 



EDITED BY 

ALICE CRANDELL BRYANT 





NEW. YORK 

THOMAS . y . CROWELL • COMPANY 
PUBLISHERS 







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Copyright^ 1913, 
By Thomas Y. Crowell Company. 



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By my own work before the night, 
Great Overseer, I make my prayer. 

If there be good in that I wrought. 
Thy hand compelled it. Master, Thine : 

Where I have failed to meet Thy thought, 
I know, through Thee, the blame is mine. 



Life's Handicap 



-? 



I 



31anuarp 



JANUARY FIRST 

NOW the New Year, reviving last Year's 
Debt, 
The Thoughtful Fisher casteth wide his Net ; 
So I with begging Dish and ready Tongue 
Assail all Men for all that I can get. 

The Rupaiyat of Omar Kal'vin 

JANUARY SECOND 

Under any circumstances, remember, four- 
fifths of everybody's work must be bad. But 
the remnant is worth the trouble for its own 
sake. 

The Light That Failed 

JANUARY THIRD 

*T always prefer to believe the best of every- 
body. It saves so much trouble." 

"Very good. I prefer to believe the worst- 
It saves useless expenditure of sympathy." 

A Second-rate Woman 

JANUARY FOURTH 

Shakespeare says something about worms, or 
it may be giants or beetles, turning if you tread 
on them too severely. The safest plan is never 
to tread on a worm. 

His Wedded Wife 
[I] 



JANUARY FIFTH 

It is a venerable fact that, if a man or woman 
makes a practice of, and takes a delight in, be- 
lieving and spreading evil of people indifferent 
to him or her, he or she will end in believing 
evil of folk very near and dear. 

Watches of the Night 

JANUARY SIXTH 

Shun — shun the Bowl ! That fatal, facile drink 
Has ruined many geese who dipped their quills 
in't. 
Bribe, murder, marry, but steer clear of Ink 
Save when you write receipts for paid-up bills 
in't. 
There may be silver in the "blue-back" — all 
I know of is the iron and the gall. 

The Man Who Could 'Write 

JANUARY SEVENTH 

Niver show a woman that ye care the snap 
av a finger for her, an' begad she'll come bleatin' 
to your boot-heels! 

The Courting of Dinah Shadd 

JANUARY EIGHTH 

All we can do is to learn how to do our work, 
to be masters of our materials instead of serv- 
ants, and never to be afraid of anything. 

The Light That Failed 
[2] 



JANUARY NINTH 

"Watch the hand," said Mulvaney; "av she 
shut her hand tight, thumb down over the 
knuckle, take up your hat an' go. You'll only 
make a fool av yoursilf av you sthay. But av 
the hand lies opin on the lap, or av you see her 
thryin' to shut ut, and she can't, — ^go on! She's 
not past reasonin' wid." 

The Solid Muldoon 

JANUARY TENTH . 

If, as Viollet-le-Duc tells us to believe, a 
building reflects the character of its inhabitants, 
it must be impossible for one reared in an East- 
ern palace to think straightly or speak freely or 
— ^but here the annals of Rajputana contradict 
the theory — to act openly. 

Letters of Marque 
JANUARY ELEVENTH 

The ways of man with a maid be strange, yet 

simple and tame 
To the ways of a man with a horse, when selling 

or racing that same. 

Certain Maxims of Hafis 

JANUARY TWELFTH 

There aren't twelve hundred people in the 
world who understand pictures. The others pre- 
tend and don't care. Remember, I've seen 
twelve hundred men dead in toadstool-beds. 
It's only the voice of the tiniest little fraction 
of people that makes success. The real world 
doesn't care a tinker's — doesn't care a bit. 

The Light That Failed 
I3] 



JANUARY THIRTEENTH 

Truly the Hat-marked Caste are a strange 
people. They are so few and so lonely and so 
strong. They can sit down in one place for 
years, and see the works of their hands and the 
promptings of their brain grow to actual and 
beneficent life, bringing good to thousands. Less 
fettered than the direct servant of the Indian 
Government, and working over a much vaster 
charge, they seem a bigger and a more large- 
minded breed. And that is saying a good deal. 

But let the others, the little people bound 
down and supervised, and strictly limited and 
income-taxed, always remember that the Hat- 
marked are very badly off for shops. If they 
want a necktie they must get it up from Bom- 
bay, and in the rains they can hardly move 
about; and they have no amusements and must 
go a day's railway journey for a rubber, and 
their drinking water is doubtful; and there is 
rather less than one lady per ten thousand square 
miles. 

After all, comparative civilization has its ad- 
vantages. 

Letters of Marque 

JANUARY FOURTEENTH 

I am av the opinion av Polonius whin he said, 
"Don't fight wid ivry scutt for the pure joy av 
fightin', but if you do, knock the nose av him 
first an' frequint." 

The Courting of Dinah Shadd 
[4] 



JANUARY FIFTEENTH 

So long as down the rocking floor 

The raving polka spins, 
So long as Kitchen Lancers spur 

The maddened violins, 
So long as through the whirling smoke 

We hear the oft-told tale : 
"Twelve hundred in the Lotteries," 
And Whatshername for sale? 
// you love me as I love you, 
We'll play the game and win it too. 

An Old Song 

JANUARY SIXTEENTH 

Then my cab-driver showed me business 
blocks gay with signs and studded with fan- 
tastic and absurd advertisements of goods, and 
looking down the long street so adorned, it 
was as though each vender stood at his door, 
howling : 

"For the sake of money, employ or buy of 
me, and me only !" 

Have you ever seen a crowd at a famine- 
relief distribution? You know then how the 
men leap into the air, stretching out their arms 
above the crowd in the hope of being seen, while 
the women dolorously slap the stomachs of their 
children and whimper. I had sooner watch 
famine relief than the white man engaged in 
what he calls legitimate competition. The one 
I understand. The other makes me ill. 

Chicago 
[5] 



JANUARY SEVENTEENTH 

"Man is fire and woman is tow, 
And the devil he comes and begins to blow." 

In America the tow is soaked in a solution that 
makes it fire-proof, in absolute liberty and large 
knowledge; consequently, accidents do not ex- 
ceed the regular percentage arranged by the devil 
for each class and climate under the skies. 

American Politics 



JANUARY EIGHTEENTH 

Afther that I sickened awhile an' tuk thought 
to my reg'mental work ; conceiting mesilf I wud 
study an* be a sargint, an' a major-gineral twinty 
minutes afther that. But on top av my ambi- 
tiousness there was an empty place in my sowl, 
an* me own opinion av mesilf cud not fill ut. 
Sez I to mesilf, "Terence, you're a great man 
an' the best set-up in the reg'mint. Go on an' 
get promotion." Sez mesilf to me, "What for?" 
Sez I to mesilf, "For the glory av ut !" Sez me- 
silf to me, "Will that fill these two strong arrms 
av yours, Terence ?" "Go to the devil," sez I to 
mesilf. "Go to the married lines," sez mesilf 
to me. " 'Tis the same thing," sez I to mesilf. 
"Av you're the same man, ut is," said mesilf to 
me; an' wid that I considhered on ut a long 
while. Did you iver feel that way, sorr? 

The Courting of Dinah Shadd 

[6] 



JANUARY NINETEENTH 

"No wise man has a Policy," said the Vice- 
roy. "A Policy is the blackmail levied on the 
Fool by the Unforeseen." , 

I do not quite see what this means, unless it 
refers to an Insurance Policy. Perhaps it was 
the Viceroy's way of saying, "Lie low." 

A Germ Destroyer 

JANUARY TWENTIETH 

I hold by the Ould Church, for she's the 
mother of them all — ay, an' the father, too. I 
like her bekase she's most remarkable regimental, 
in her fittings. I may die in Honolulu, Nova 
Zambra, or Cape Cayenne, but wherever I die, 
me bein' fwhat I am, an' a priest handy, I go 
under the same orders an' the same words an' 
the same unction as tho' the Pope himself come 
down from the roof av' St. Peter's to see me 
off. There's neither high nor low, nor broad nor 
deep, nor betwixt nor between wid her, an' that's 
what I like. But mark you, she's no manner 
av Church for a wake man, bekaze she takes 
the body and the soul av him, onless he has his 
proper work to do. I remember when my father 
died that was three months' comin' to his grave; 
begad he'd sold the shebeen above our heads for 
ten minutes' quittance of purgathory. An' he did 
all he could. That's why I say ut takes a strong 
man to deal with the Ould Church, an' for that 
reason you'll find so many women go there. An' 
that same's a conundrum. 

On Greenhow Hill 
[7] 



JANUARY TWENTY-FIRST 
Though tangled and twisted the course of true 
love, 

This ditty explains 
No tangle's so tangled it cannot improve 

If the Lover has brains. 

The Post That Fitted 

JANUARY TWENTY-SECOND 

"Good people in America, Scotland, and Eng- 
land, most of whom would never dream of col- 
legiate education for their own sons, are pinch- 
ing themselves to bestow it in pure waste on 
Indian youths. Their scheme is an oblique, sub- 
terranean attack on heathenism ; the theory being 
that with the jam of secular education, leading 
to a University degree, the pill of moral or re- 
ligious instruction may be coaxed down the 
heathen gullet." 

"But does it succeed ; do they make converts ?" 
"They make no converts, for the subtle Ori- 
ental swallows the jam and rejects the pill." 

The Enlightenments of Pagett, M. P. 

JANUARY TWENTY-THIRD 

He was a viscount, and on his arrival the mess 
had said he had better go into the Guards, be- 
cause they were all sons of large grocers and 
small clothiers in the Hussars, but Mildred 
begged very hard to be allowed to stay, and be- 
haved so prettily that he was forgiven, and be- 
came a man, which is much more important than 
being any sort of viscount. 

The Man Who Was 

[8] 



JANUARY TWENTY-FOURTH 

"But whin was a young man, high or low, 
the other av a fool, Fd like to know?" said 
Mulvaney. "Sure, folly's the only safe way to 
wisdom, for Tve thried it." 

On Greenhow Hill 

JANUARY TWENTY-FIFTH 

So long as Aces take the King, 

Or backers take the bet, 
So long as debt leads men to wed, 

Or marriage leads to debt, 
So long as little luncheons. Love, 

And scandal hold their vogue, 
While there is sport at Annandale 

Or whiskey at Jutogh, 

// you love me as I love you, 
What knife can cut our love in two? 

An Old Song 

JANUARY TWENTY-SIXTH 

I was speaking to a newspaper man about 
seeing the proprietor of his journal, as in my 
innocence I supposed newspaper men occasionally 
did. My friend snorted indignantly : 

"See him! Great Scott! No. If he happens 
to appear in the office, I have to associate with 
him ; but, thank Heaven ! outside of that I move 
in circles where he cannot come." 

And yet the first thing I have been taught to 
believe is that money is everything in America! 

At the Golden Gate 
[9] 



JANUARY TWENTY-SEVENTH 

It is the same everywhere. The men who 
do not take the trouble to conceal from you 
their opinion that you are an incompetent ass, 
and the women who blacken your character and 
misunderstand your wife's amusements, will 
work themselves to the bone in your behalf if 
you fall sick or into serious trouble. 

The Phantom 'Rickshaw 



JANUARY TWENTY-EIGHTH 

The blue smoke curled back from the ceiling 
in clouds. Then Torpenhow, insinuatingly — 

"Dick, is it a woman?" 

"Be hanged if it's anything remotely resem- 
bling a woman; and if you begin to talk like 
that, I'll hire a red-brick studio with white paint 
trimmings, and begonias and petunias and Blue 
Hungarians to play among three-and-sixpenny 
pot-palms, and I'll mount all my pics in aniline- 
dye plush plasters, and I'll invite every woman 
who yelps and maunders and moans over what 
her guide-books tell her is Art, and you shall 
receive 'em, Torp, — in a snuff -brown velvet coat 
with yellow trousers and an orange tie. You'll 
like that." 

"Too thin, Dick. A better man than you 
denied with cursing and swearing on a mem- 
orable occasion. You've overdone it, just as 
he did." 

The Light That Failed 
[10] 



JANUARY TWENTY-NINTH 

A fool there was and he made his prayer 

(Even as you and I!) 
To a rag and a bone and a hank of hair 
(We called her the woman who did not care), 
But the fool he called her his lady fair 

(Even as you and I!) 

Oh the years we waste and the tears we waste 

And the work of our head and hand, 
Belong to the woman who did not know 
(And now we know that she never could know) 
And did not understand. 

The Vampire 

JANUARY THIRTIETH 

It takes a great deal of Christianity to wipe 
out uncivilized Eastern instincts, such as falling 
in love at first sight. 

Lispeth 

JANUARY THIRTY-FIRST 

Does a man tear out his heart and make frit- 
ters thereof over a slow fire for aught other than 
a woman? Do not laugh, friend of mine, for 
your time will also be. 

Dray Wara Yow Dee 



[II] 



JFebruarp 

FEBRUARY FIRST 

TOO much work and too much energy kill 
a man just as effectively as too much as- 
sorted vice or too much drink. 

Thrown Away 

FEBRUARY SECOND 

Never apologize for what your friend calls 
"side." Never! It's a man's business to be in- 
solent and overbearing until he meets with a 
stronger. 

The Education of Otis Yeere 

FEBRUARY THIRD 

He thought he could do everything well ; which 
is a beautiful belief when you hold it with all 
your heart. 

Consequences 

FEBRUARY FOURTH 

Men speak the truth as they understand it, 
and women as they think men would like to 
understand it; and then they all act lies which 
would deceive Solomon, and the result is a heart- 
rending muddle that half a dozen open words 
would put straight. 

Bitters Neat 
[13] 



FEBRUARY FIFTH 

You may have noticed that many religious 
people are deeply suspicious. They seem — for 
purely religious purposes, of course — to know- 
more about iniquity than the Unregenerate. Per- 
haps they were specially bad before they became 
converted! At any rate, in the imputation of 
things evil, and in putting the worst construc- 
tion on things innocent, a certain type of good 
people may be trusted to surpass all others. 

Watches of the Night 

FEBRUARY SIXTH 

Properly speaking, Government should estab- 
lish a Matrimonial Department, efficiently offi- 
cered, with a Jury of Matrons, a Judge of the 
Chief Court, a Senior Chaplain, and an Awful 
Warning, in the shape of a love-match that has 
gone wrong, chained to trees in the courtyard. 
All marriages should be made through the De- 
partment, which might be subordinate to the 
Educational Department, under the same penalty 
as that attaching to the transfer of land without 
a stamped document. But Government won't 
take suggestions. It pretends that it is too busy. 

Kidnapped 

FEBRUARY SEVENTH 

Oh East is East, and West is West, and never 

the twain shall meet, 
Till Earth and Sky stand presently at God's 

great Judgment Seat; 

[14] 



But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor 

Breed, nor Birth, 
When two strong men stand* face to face, tho' 

they come from the ends of the earth! 

The Ballad of East and West 

FEBRUARY EIGHTH 

About four-and-a-half hours after Adam was 
turned out of the Garden of Eden he felt hungry, 
and so, bidding. Eve take care that her head was 
not broken by the descending fruit, shinned up 
a cocoanut-palm. That hurt his legs, cut his 
breast, and made him breathe heavily, and Eve 
was tormented with fear lest her lord should 
miss his footing, and so bring the tragedy of 
this world to an end ere the curtain had fairly 
risen. Had I met Adam then, I should have 
been sorry for him. To-day I find eleven hun- 
dred thousand of his sons just as far advanced 
as their father in the art of getting food, and 
immeasurably inferior to him in that they think 
that their palm-trees lead straight to the skies. 
Consequently, I am sorry in rather more than a 
million different ways. 

Chicago 

FEBRUARY NINTH 

When a ship sinks in mud or quicksand she 
regularly digs her own grave and wriggles her- 
self into it deeper and deeper till she reaches 
moderately solid stuff. Then she sticks. 

City of the Dreadful Night 
[15] 



FEBRUARY TENTH 

I must do my own work and live my own life 
in my own way, because I'm responsible for both. 

The Light That Failed 

FEBRUARY ELEVENTH 

Twelve hundred million men are spread 

About this Earth, and I and You 
Wonder, when You and I are dead, 
What will those luckless millions do ? 

The Last Department 

FEBRUARY TWELFTH 

Every good American wants a home — a pretty 
house and a little piece of land of his very own ; 
and every other good American seems to get it. 

America's Defenceless Coasts 

FEBRUARY THIRTEENTH 

A fool there was and his goods he spent 

(Even as you and I!) 
Honor and faith and a sure intent 
(And it wasn't the least what the lady meant). 
But a fool must follow his natural bent 

(Even as you and I!) 

Oh the toil we lost and the spoil we lost 

And the excellent things we planned, 
Belong to the woman who didn't know why 
(And now we know she never knew why) 
And did not understand. 

The Vampire 
[i6] 



FEBRUARY FOURTEENTH 

"Recollect some of those views in the Sou- 
dan ?" said Torpenhow, with a provoking drawl. 

Dick squirmed in his place. "Don't ! It makes 
me want to get out there again. What color that 
was! Opal and umber and amber and claret 
and brick-red and sulphur — cockatoo-crest sul- 
phur — against brown, with a nigger-black rock 
sticking up in the middle of it all, and a decora- 
tive frieze of camels festooning in front of a 
pure pale turquoise sky." He began to walk up 
and down. "And yet, you know, if you. try 
to give these people the thing as God gave it 
keyed down to their comprehension and accord- 
ing to the powers He has given you" — 

"Modest man ! Go on." 

"Half a dozen epicene young pagans who 
haven't even been to Algiers will tell you, first, 
that your notion is borrowed, and, secondly, that 
it isn't Art." 

The Light That Failed 

FEBRUARY FIFTEENTH 

Now, if you must marry, take care she is old — 
A troop-sergeant's widow's the nicest I'm told — 
For beauty won't help if your rations is cold, 
Nor love ain't enough for a soldier. 

The Young British Soldier 

FEBRUARY SIXTEENTH 

An intelligent and discriminating public are 
perfectly at liberty to form their own opinions. 

Letters of Marque 
[17] 



FEBRUARY SEVENTEENTH 

Far-called, our navies melt away — 
On dune and headland sinks the fire — 

Lo, all our pomp of yesterday 
Is one with Nineveh and Tyre ! 

Judge of the Nations, spare us yet. 

Lest we forget — lest we forget! 

Recessional 

FEBRUARY EIGHTEENTH 

Well, if I lived in fairyland, where cherries 
were as big as plums, plums as big as apples, 
and' strawberries of no account, where the pro- 
cession of the fruits of the seasons was like a 
pageant in a Drury Lane pantomime and the 
dry air was wine, I should let business slide 
once in a way and kick up my heels with my 
fellows. The tale of the resources of California 
— vegetable and mineral — is a fairy-tale. You 
can read it in books. You would never believe 
me. 

American Politics 

FEBRUARY NINETEENTH 

Envy is a low and degrading passion, and 
should be striven against. 

Letters of Marque 

FEBRUARY TWENTIETH 

To each man is appointed his particular 
dread, — the terror that, if he does not fight 
against it, must cow him even to the loss of his 
manhood. 

The Light That Failed 
[l8] 



FEBRUARY TWENTY-FIRST 

Oh ! Where would I be when my f roat was dry ? 
Oh ! Where would I be when the bullets fly ? 
Oh! Where would I be when I come to die? 

Why, 
Somewheres anigh my chum. 

If 'e's liquor 'e'll give me some, 

If I'm dyin' 'e'll 'old my 'ead. 

An' 'e'll write 'e 'Ome when I'm dead. — 

Gawd send us a trusty chum! 

Barrack Room Ballad 

FEBRUARY TWENTY-SECOND 

They bore me to a banquet m honor of a 
brave lieutenant — Carlin, of the "Vandalia" — 
who stuck by his ship in the great cyclone at 
Apia and comported himself as an officer should. 

There were about forty speeches delivered, 
and not one of them was average or ordinary. 
It was my first introduction to the American 
eagle screaming for all it was worth. . . . 

Then according to rule, they produced their 
dead, and across the snowy table-cloths dragged 
the corpse of every man slain in the Civil War, 
and hurled defiance at "our natural enemy" 
(England, so please you), "with her chain of 
fortresses across the world." Thereafter they 
glorified their nation afresh from the beginning, 
in case any detail should have been overlooked, 
and that made me uncomfortable for their sakes. 

American Politics 

[19] 



FEBRUARY TWENTY-THIRD 

The mere example of the sober, righteous, and 
godly lives of the principals and professors, who 
are most excellent and devoted men, must have a 
certain moral value. 

The Enlightenments of Pagett, M. P, 

FEBRUARY TWENTY-FOURTH 

I said she was not immoral. I was wrong. 
She said she could cook. That showed pre- 
meditated sin. Oh, Binkie, if you are a man 
you will go to perdition ; but if you are a woman, 
and say that you can cook, you will go to a much 
worse place. 

The Light That Failed 

FEBRUARY TWENTY-FIFTH 

Not for nothing is a man permitted to ally 
himself to the wrong woman. The first pang — 
the first sense of things lost is but the prelude 
to the play, for the very just Providence who 
delights in causing pain has decreed that the 
agony shall return, and that in the midst of keen- 
est pleasure. They know this pain equally who 
have forsaken or been forsaken by the love of 
their life, and in their new wives' arms are com- 
pelled to realize it. It is better to remain alone 
and suffer only the misery of being alone, so 
long as it is possible to find distraction in daily 
work. When that resource goes the man is to be 
pitied and left alone. 

The Light That Failed 
[20] 



FEBRUARY TWENTY-SIXTH 

Trust a woman for being as blind as a bat 
when she won't see. ^y^^ t^^^,^ ^^ ^^^^, 

FEBRUARY TWENTY-SEVENTH 

Ask the grey heads of the Bannockbum Medi- 
cal Crusade what manner of life their preachers 
lead; speak to the Racine Gospel Agency, those 
lean Americans whose boast is that they go 
where no Englishman dare follow; get a Pastor 
of the Tubingen Mission to talk of his experi- 
ences — if you can. You will be referred to the 
printed reports, but these contain no mention of 
the men who have lost youth and health, all that 
a man may lose except faith, in the wilds; of 
English maidens who have gone forth and died 
in the fever- stricken jungle of the Panth Hills, 
knowing from the first that death was almost a 
certainty. Few Pastors will tell you of these 
things any more than they will speak of that 
young David of St. Bees, who, set apart for the 
Lord's work, broke down in the utter desola- 
tion, and returned half distraught to the Head 
Mission, crying: "There is no God, but I have 
walked with the Devil !" 

The reports are silent here, because heroism, 
failure, doubt, despair, and self-abnegation on 
the part of a mere cultured white man are 
things of no weight as compared to the saving 
of one half -human soul from a fantastic faith 
in wood-spirits, goblins of the rock, and river- 

The Judgment of Dungara 
[21] 



FEBRUARY TWENTY-EIGHTH 

He would unburden himself by the hour on 
the glorious future that awaited the combined 
arms of England and Russia when their hearts 
and their territories should run side by side, and 
the great mission of civilizing Asia should begin. 
That was unsatisfactory, because Asia is not 
going to be civilized after the methods of the 
West. There is too much Asia, and she is too 
old. You cannot reform a lady of many lovers, 
and Asia has been insatiable in her flirtations 
aforetime. She will never attend Sunday-school, 
or learn to vote save with swords for tickets. 

The Man Who Was 

FEBRUARY TWENTY-NINTH 

In public Her face turneth to thee, and pleasant 

Her smile when ye meet 
It is ill. The cold rocks of El-Gidar smile thus 

on the waves at their feet. 
In public Her face is averted, with anger she 

nameth thy name. 
It is well. Was there ever a loser content with 

the loss of the game? 

Certain Maxims of Hafts 



[22] 



Jfliaartfj 



MARCH FIRST 

WHATEVER of good or beauty or interest 
there is in your life, must come from 
yourself and the grace that may be planted in 
you. 

The Judgment of Dungara 

MARCH SECOND 

Inventors seem very much alike as a caste. 
They talk loudly, especially about "conspiracies 
of monopolists"; they beat upon the table with 
their fists; and they secrete fragments of their 
inventions about their persons. 

A Germ Destroyer 

MARCH THIRD 

How in perdition can one do work when one 
hasn't had the proper training? Any fool can 
get a notion. It needs training to drive the thing 
through, — training and conviction; not rushing 
after the first fancy. 

The Light That Failed 

MARCH FOURTH 

"The judge is a great man, but give thy pres- 
ents to the clerk," as the proverb saith. 

American Politics 



MARCH FIFTH 

Now a man cud take that two ways. I tuk 
ut as pleased me best an' my first kiss wid ut. 
Mother av Innocence! but I kissed her on the 
tip av the nose and undher the eye; an' a girl 
that lets a kiss come tumble-ways like that has 
never been kissed before. Take note av that, 
sorr. 

The Courting of Dinah Shadd 
MARCH SIXTH 

"Did you iver have onendin' devilmint an' 
nothin' to pay for it in your life, sorr?" 

"Never, without having to pay," I said. 

"That's thrue! 'Tis mane whin you consider 
on ut; but ut's the same wid horse or fut. A 
headache if you dhrink, an' a belly-ache if you 
eat too much, an' a heart-ache to kape all down. 
Faith, the beast only gets the colic, an' he's the 
lucky man." 

The Courting of Dinah Shadd 

MARCH SEVENTH 

Mamma's own prayer was a slightly illogical 
one. Summarized it ran: — "Let strangers love 
my children and be as good to them as I should 
be, but let me preserve their love and their 
confidence forever and ever. Amen." 

Baa Baa, Black Sheep 
MARCH EIGHTH 

Love is as nakedly unreasoning as when Venus 
first gave him his kit and told him to run away 
and play. 

Bitters Neat 
[24] 



MARdH NINTH 

For heathen heart that puts her trust 

In reeking tube and iron shard — 
All valiant dust that builds on dust, 

And, guarding, calls not Thee to guard. 
For frantic boast and foolish word, 
Thy Mercy on Thy People, Lord ! 

Recessional 

MARCH TENTH 

I am hopelessly in love with about eight 
American maidens — all perfectly delightful till 
the next one comes into the room. 

O-Toyo was a darling, but she lacked several 
things — conversation for one. Yoia cannot live^ 
on giggles. She shall remain unmarried at 
Nagasaki, while I roast a battered heart before 
the shrine of a big Kentucky blonde, who had 
for a nurse when she was little a negro 
"mammy." 

By consequence she has welded on California 
beauty, Paris dresses, Eastern culture, European 
trips, and wild Western originality, the queer, 
dreamy superstitions of the quarters, and the 
result is soul-shattering. And she is but one 
of many stars. 

American Politics 

MARCH ELEVENTH 

There is no life so good as the life of a loafer 
who travels by rail and road; for all things and 
all people are kind to him. 

Letters of Marque 
[25] 



MARCH TWELFTH 

Half a year will prove 
The full extent of time and thought you'll spare 
To Congress. Ask a Lady Doctor once 
How little Begums see the light — deduce 
Thence how the True Reformer's child is bom. 
It's interesting, curious . . . and vile. 
I told the Turk he was a gentleman. 
I told the Russian that his Tartar veins 
Bled pure Parisian ichor ; and he purred. 
The Congress doesn't purr. I think it swears. 
You're young — you'll swear too ere you've 

reached the end. ^ne viceroy Resigns 

MARCH THIRTEENTH 

I lured my model, a beautiful rifleman, up here 
with drink; I drored him, and I redrored him, 
and tredrored him, and I made him a flushed, 
disheveled, bedevilled scallawag, with his helmet 
at the back of his head, and the living fear of 
death in his eye, and the blood oozing out of a 
cut over his ankle-bone. He wasn't pretty but 
he was all soldier and very much man. . . . 
Then the art-manager of that abandoned paper 
said that his subscribers wouldn't like it. It was 
brutal and coarse and violent, — man being nat- 
urally gentle when he's fighting for his life! 
They wanted something more restful, with a 
little more color. I could have said a good deal, 
but you might as well talk to a sheep as an 
art-manager. I took my "Last Shot" back. Be- 

[26] 



hold the result! I put him into a lovely coat 
without a speck on it. That is Art. I polished 
his boots, — observe the high light on the toe. 
That is Art. I cleaned his rifle, — rifles are 
always clean on service — because that is Art. 
I pipeclayed his helmet, — pipeclay is always used 
on active service, and is indispensable to Art. 
I shaved his chin, I washed his hands, and gave 
him an air of fatted peace. Result, military 
tailor's pattern-plate. Price, thank Heaven, twice 
as much as for the first sketch, which was mod- 
erately decent. 

The Light That Failed 

MARCH FOURTEENTH 

She had the wisdom of the Serpent, the logical 
coherence of the Man, the fearlessness of the 
Child, and the triple intuition of the Woman. 
Never — no, never — as long as a tonga buckets 
down the Solon dip, or the couples go a-riding at 
the back of Simla Hill, will there be such a genius 
as Mrs. Hauksbee. 

Kidnapped 

MARCH FIFTEENTH 

If She have spoken a word, remember thy lips 
are sealed. 

And the Brand of the Dog is upon him by whom 
is the secret revealed. 

If She have written a letter, delay not an in- 
stant, but burn it. 

Tear it in pieces, O Fool, and the wind to her 
mate shall return it ! 

[27] 



If there be trouble to Herward, and a lie of the 

blackest can clear, 
Lie, while thy lips can move or a man is alive 

to hear. 

Certain Maxims of Hafis 

MARCH SIXTEENTH 

After marriage arrives a reaction, sometimes 
a big, sometimes a little one ; but it comes sooner 
or later, and must be tided o\rer by both parties 
if they desire the rest of their lives to go with 
the current. 

Three and — an Extra 

MARCH SEVENTEENTH 

Now there are Oirish an' Oirish. The good 
are good as the best, but the bad are wurrst than 
the wurrst. 

Black Jack 

MARCH EIGHTEENTH 

An Irish regiment, for just so long as it 
stands still, is generally a hard handful to con- 
trol, being reckless and rough. When, however, 
it is moved in the direction of musketry-fire, it 
becomes strangely and unpatriotically content 
with its lot. It has even been heard to cheer the 
queen with enthusiasm on these occasions. 

' The Mutiny of the Mavericks 

MARCH NINETEENTH 

The earth is full of men who'd sell their souls 
for three hundred a year; and women come and 
talk, and borrow a five-pound note here and a 

[28] 



ten-pound note there; and a woman has no con- 
science in a money debt. Stick to your money, 
Maisie; for there's nothing more ghastly in the 
world than poverty in London. It's scared me. 
By Jove, it put the fear into me! And one 
oughtn't to be afraid of anything. 

The Light That Failed 

MARCH TWENTIETH 

Look here. If you want to be respectable you 
mustn't smoke in the streets. Nobody does it. 

City of the Dreadful Night 

MARCH TWENTY-FIRST 

Lager, der girls und der dollars, dey makes or 

dey breaks a man. 
If Schmitt haf collared der dollars, he collars der 

girl deremit; 
But if Schmitt bust in der pizness, we collars 

der girl from Schmitt. 

An Imperial Rescript 

MARCH TWENTY-SECOND 

" Tor work done without conviction, for 
power wasted on trivialities, for labor expended 
with levity for the deliberate purpose of winning 
the easy applause of a fashion-driven public' " — 

"That's 'His Last Shot,' second edition. Go 
on. 

" 'public, there remains but one end, — 

the oblivion that is preceded by toleration and 
cenotaphed with contempt.' " 

The Light That Failed 
[29] 



MARCH TWENTY-THIRD 

There are the makings of a very fine creed 
about Mormonism. To begin with, the Church 
is rather more absolute than that of Rome. Drop 
the polygamy plank in the platform, but on the 
other hand deal lightly with certain forms of 
excess; keep the quality of the recruit down 
to the low mental level, and see that the best 
of all the agricultural science available is in the 
hands of the elders, and there you have a first- 
class engine for pioneer work. The tawdry 
mysticism and the borrowing from Freemasonry 
serve the low caste Swede and Dane, the Welsh- 
man and the Cornish cotter, just as well as a 
highly organized heaven. 

The American Army 

MARCH TWENTY-FOURTH 

The East is not the West, and these men 
must continue to deal with the machinery of 
life, and to call it progress. Their very preach- 
ers dare not rebuke them. They gloss over 
the hunting for money and the thrice-sharpened 
bitterness of Adam's curse, by saying that such 
things dower a man with a larger range of 
thoughts and higher aspirations. They do not 
say, "Free yourselves from your own slavery," 
but rather, "If you can possibly manage it, do 
not set quite so much store on the things of this 
world." 

And they do not know what the things of 
this world are! 

Chicago 
[30] 



MARCH TWENTY-FIFTH 

"None whole or clean," we cry, "or free from 

stain 
Of favor." Wait awhile, till we attain 

The Last Department, where nor fraud nor 

fools. 
Nor grade nor greed, shall trouble us again. 

Fear, Favor, or Affection — what are these 
To the grim Head who claims our services? 

I never knew a wife or interest yet 
Delay that pukka step, miscalled "decease"; 

When leave, long overdue, none can deny; 
When idleness of all Eternity 

Becomes our furlough, and the marigold 
Our thriftless, bullion-minting Treasury. 

The Last Department 

MARCH TWENTY-SIXTH 

Capt. G. Ssssteady! I've a notion that a 
friend of yours is looking at you. 

Mrs. H. He! I hate him. He introduced 
you to me. 

Capt. G. {Aside.) And some people would 
like women to assist in making the laws. 

The Tents of Kedar 

MARCH TWENTY-SEVENTH 

Ther's nothing like opin-speakin'. . . . Slape 
is a shuparfluous necessity. 

Mulvaney 
[31] 



MARCH TWENTY-EIGHTH 

The American will go to a bad place because 
he cannot speak English, and is proud of it; 
but he knows how to make a home for himself 
and his mate, knows how to keep the grass green 
in front of his veranda, and how to fullest use 
the mechanism of life — hot water, gas, good bell- 
ropes, telephones, etc. His shops sell him de- 
lightful household fitments at very moderate 
rates, and he is encompassed with all manner of 
labor-saving appliances. This does not prevent 
his wife and his daughter working themselves to 
death over household drudgery ; but the intention 
is good. 

America's Defenceless Coasts 

MARCH TWENTY-NINTH 

He had tasted for the first time Responsibility 
and Success. Those two maKe an intoxicating 
drink, and have ruined more men than ever has 
Whislcey. 

His Chance in Life 

MARCH THIRTIETH 

So I answered: "Gentle Bandar, an inscrutable 

Decree 
Makes thee a gleesome fleasome Thou, and me a 

wretched Me. 
Go! Depart in peace, my brother, to thy home 

amid the pine; 
Yet forget not once a mortal wished to change 

his lot with thine." 

Divided Destinies 
[32] 



MARCH THIRTY-FIRST 

For Maggie has written a letter to give me my 

choice between 
The wee little whimpering Love and the great 

god Nick o* Teen. 

And I turn my eyes to the future that Maggie 

and I must prove, 
But the only light on the marshes is the Will- 

o'-the-Wisp of Love. 

Will it see me safe through my journey, or 

leave me bogged in the mire? 
Since a puff of tobacco can cloud it, shall I 

follow the fitful fire? 

The Betrothed 



{zz\ 



Mpvil 



APRIL FIRST 

WHAT'S the use of having a friend, if you 
must sling your notions at him in words? 

The Light That Failed 
APRIL SECOND 

When Leland, he who wrote the Hans Breit- 
mann Ballads, once desired to know the name 
of an austere, plug-hatted redskin of repute, his 
answer, from the lips of a half-breed, was : 

"He Injun. He big Injun. He heap big In- 
jun. He dam big heap Injun. He dam mighty 
great big heap Injun. He Jones !" 

City of the Dreadful Night 

APRIL THIRD 

They was so good, th' chapel folk, that they 
tumbled ower t'other side. 

On Greenhow Hill 

APRIL FOURTH 

My Son, if a maiden deny thee and scoffingly 

bid thee give o'er. 
Yet lip meets with lip at the lastward — ^get out! 

She has been there before. 
They are pecked on the ear and the chin and the 

nose who are lacking in lore. 

Certain Maxims of Hafiz 
[35] 



APRIL FIFTH 

Sunday brought me the queeresu experience 
of all. I found a place that was officially de- 
scribed as a church. To it entered suddenly a 
wonderful man, completely in the confidence of 
their God, whom he treated colloquially and ex- 
ploited very much as a newspaper reporter would 
exploit a foreign potentate. But, unlike the 
newspaper reporter, he never allowed his listen- 
ers to forget that he, and not He, was the centre 
of attraction. . . . One sentence at this point 
caught my delighted ear. It was apropos of 
some question of the Judgment, and ran: 

"No! I tell you God doesn't do business that 
way." 

He was giving them a deity whom they could 
comprehend, and a gold and jewelled heaven in 
which they could take a natural interest. 

Chicago 

APRIL SIXTH 

There are many things — including actual as- 
sault with the clenched fist — that a wife will 
endure; but seldom a wife can bear with a 
long course of brutal, hard chaff, making light 
of her weaknesses, her headaches, her small fits 
of gaiety, her dresses, her queer little attempts 
to make herself attractive to her husband when 
she knows that she is not what she has been, 
and — worst of all — the love that she spends on 
her children. 

The Bronckhorst Divorce-case 
[36] 



APRIL SEVENTH 

"Why am I wrong in trying to get a little 
success ?" 

"Just because you try. Don't you understand, 
darling? Good work has nothing to do with — 
doesn't belong to — the person who does it. It's 
put into him or her from outside." 

The Light That Failed 



APRIL EIGHTH 

What did the colonel's lady think? 

Nobody ever knew. 
Somebody asked the sergeant's wife 

An* she told 'em true. 
When you git to a man in the case 

They're like a row o' pins, 
For the colonel's lady an' Judy O'Grady 

Are sisters under their skins. 

Barrack Room Ballad 

APRIL NINTH 

For all we take we must pay, but the price is 
cruel high. 

The Courting of Dinah Shadd 



APRIL TENTH 

When an American train starts on time I 
begin to anticipate disaster — a visitation for such 
good luck, you understand. 

America's Defenceless, Coasts 



APRIL ELEVENTH 

Ameera, at the end of each weary day, would 
lead him through the hell of self -questioning 
reproach which is reserved for those who have 
lost a child, and believe that with a little — just 
a little — ^more care it might have been saved. 
There are not many hells worse than this, but 
he knows one who has sat down temporarily to 
consider whether he is or is not responsible for 
the death of his wife. 

Without Benefit of Clergy 

APRIL TWELFTH 

I know that it is outside my business to care 
what people say; I can see that it spoils my 
output if I listen to 'em; and yet, confound it 
all, I can't help purring when I'm rubbed the 
right way. Even when I can see on a man's fore- 
head that he is lying his way through a clump 
of pretty speeches, those lies make me happy 
and play the mischief with my hand. 

The Light That Failed 

APRIL THIRTEENTH 

Youth, Youth, Youth! Forgive me, you're 
so young. 

Forty from sixty — ^twenty years of work 
And power to back the working. Ay de mi! 
You want to know, you want to see, to touch, 
And, by your lights, to act. It's natural. 

1 wonder can I help you. Let me try. 

One Viceroy Resigns 
[38] 



APRIL FOURTEENTH 

You'll learn to-morrow how we rethreated to 
dhraw thim on before we made thim trouble, an' 
that's what a woman does. 

The Courting of Dinah Shadd 

APRIL FIFTEENTH 

It is Stevenson who says that the "invitation to 
the road," nature's great morning song, has not 
yet been properly understood or put to music. 
The first note of it is the sound of the dawn- 
wind through long grass, and the last, in the 
country, the creaking of the bullock wains get- 
ting under way in some unseen serai. It is good, 
good beyond expression, to see the sun rise upon 
a strange land and to know that you have only to 
go forward and possess that land — that it will 
dower you before the day is ended with a hun- 
dred new impressions and, perhaps, one idea. 

Letters of Marque 

APRIL SIXTEENTH 

Open the old cigar-box — let me consider a 

while — 
Here is a mild Manila — ^there is a wifely 

smile. 

Which is the better portion — bondage bought 

with a ring. 
Or a harem of dusky beauties fifty tied in a 

string ? 

The Betrothed 
l39] 



APRIL SEVENTEENTH 

The younger generation does not want instruc- 
tion, being perfectly willing to instruct if any 

one will listen to it. 7,;,, Education of Otis Yeere 

APRIL EIGHTEENTH 

"A dhirty man," he was used to say, in 
the speech of his kind, "goes to Clink for a weak- 
ness in the knees, an' is coort-martialled for a 
pair av socks missin'; but a clane man, such as 
is an ornament to his service — a man whose 
buttons are gold, whose coat is wax upon him, 
an' whose 'coutrements are widout a speck — 
that man may, spakin' in reason, do fwhat he 
likes an' dhrink from day to divil. That's the 
pride av bein' dacint." ^^.^^^^ uuivaney 

APRIL NINETEENTH 

Once when I was out in the Soudan I went 
over some ground that we had been fighting on 
for three days. There were twelve hundred 
dead; and we hadn't time to bury them. . . . 

I had been at work on a big double-sheet 
sketch, and I was wondering what people would 
think of it at home. The sight of that field 
taught me a good deal. It looked just like a bed 
of horrible toadstools in all colors, and — I'd 
never seen men in bulk go back to their begin- 
nings before. So I began to understand that 
men and women were only material to work 
with, and that what they said or did was of no 
consequence. j^^^ ^.^;,, jj^^, p^^^^ 

[40] 



APRIL TWENTIETH 

This good young man was quiet and self- 
contained — too old for his years by far. Which 
always carries its own punishment. 

Kidnapped 

APRIL TWENTY-FIRST 

Madame Binat knew everybody whose help or 
advice was worth anything. They were not re- 
spectable folk, but they could cause things to 
be accomplished, which is much more important 
when there is work toward. 

The Light That Failed 
APRIL TWENTY-SECOND 

Take my word for it, the silliest woman can 
manage a clever man; but it needs a very clever 
woman to manage a fool. 

Thrie and — an Extra 

APRIL TWENTY-THIRD 

Sweet and comely are the maidens of 
Devonshire; delicate and of gracious seeming 
those who live in the pleasant places of London ; 
fascinating for all their demureness the damsels 
of France, clinging closely to their mothers, with 
large eyes wondering at the wicked world; ex- 
cellent in her own place and to those who under- 
stand her is the Anglo-Indian "spin" in her sec- 
ond season; but the girls of America are above 
and beyond them all. They are clever, they can 
talk — yea, it is said that they think. Certainly 
they have an appearance of so doing which is 
delightfully deceptive. 

American Politics 
[41] 



APRIL TWENTY-FOURTH 

It is very hard to die when one is young. 
. . . Yet what will a young man do for Love's 

sake ? 

In Flood Time 
APRIL TWENTY-FIFTH 

When the flush of a newborn sun fell first on 

Eden's green and gold, 
Our father Adam sat under the Tree and 

scratched with a stick in the mould; 
And the first rude sketch that the world had 

seen was joy to his mighty heart, 
Till the Devil whispered behind the leaves: 

"It's pretty, but is it art?" 

Wherefore he called to his wife, and fled to 

fashion his work anew — 
The first of his race who cared a fig for the 

first, most dread review; 
And he left his lore to the use of his sons — 

and that was a glorious gain 
When the Devil chuckled: 'Is it art?" in the 

ear of the branded Cain. 

The Conundrum of the Workshops 

APRIL TWENTY-SIXTH 

I know such little heavens that I could take 
you to, — islands tucked away under the Line. 
You sight that after weeks of crashing through 
water as black as black marble because it's so 
deep, and you sit in the fore-chains day after 
day and see the sun rise almost afraid because 

[42] 



the sea's so lonely. . . . And there are noises 
under the sea, and sounds overhead in a clear 
sky. Then you find your island alive with hot, 
moist orchids that make mouths at you and 
can do everything except talk. There's a 
waterfall in it three hundred feet high, just 
like a sliver of green jade laced with silver; 
and millions of wild bees live up in the rocks; 
and you can hear the fat cocoanuts falling 
from the palms; and you order an ivory-white 
servant to sling you a long, yellow hammock 
with tassels on it like ripe maize, and you put 
up your feet and hear the bees hum and the 
water fall till you go to sleep. 

The Light That Failed 

APRIL TWENTY-SEVENTH 
... So when the heart is vexed, the pain of 
one maiden's refusal is drowned in the pain of 
the next. 

Certain Maxims of Hafiz 

APRIL TWENTY-EIGHTH 

When a man does good work out of all pro- 
portion to his pay, in seven cases out of nine 
there is a woman at the back of the virtue. 

His Chance in Life 

APRIL TWENTY-NINTH 

You sometimes see a woman who would have 
made a Joan of Arc in another century and cli- 
mate, threshing herself to pieces over all the 
mean worry of housekeeping. 

Watches of the Night 
[43] 



APRIL THIRTIETH 
Do those who live decline 
The step that offers, or their work resign? 
Trust me, To-day's Most Indispensables, 
Five hundred men can take your place or mine. 

The Last Department 



[44] 



MAY FIRST 

GIVE me back the leafless woodlands where 
the winds of Springtime range — 
Give me back one day in England, for it's 
Spring in England now ! 
Through the pines the gusts are booming, o'er 
the brown fields blowing chill. 
From the furrow of the ploughshare streams 
the fragrance of the loam, 
And the hawk nests on the cliff-side and the 
jackdaw in the hill. 
And my heart is back in England 'mid the 
sights and sounds of Home. 

In Springtime 

MAY SECOND 

It is good to snuff the wind when it comes in 
over grassy uplands or down from the tops of 
the blue Aravalis — dry and keen as a new- 
ground sword. Best of all is to light the First 
Pipe — is there any tobacco so good as that we 
burn in honor of the breaking day? — and, while 
the ponies wake the long white road with their 
hooves and the birds go abroad in companies to- 
gether, to thank your stars that you are neither 
the Subaltern who has Orderly Room, the 'Stunt 

[45] 



who has kacherri, or the Judge who has Court 
to attend ; but are only a loafer in a flannel shirt, 
bound, if God please, to "Little Boondi," some- 
where beyond the faint hills across the plain. 

Letters of Marque 

MAY THIRD 

Does the woodpecker flit round the young f cr- 
ash f Does grass clothe a new-built wall? 

Is she under thirty, the woman who holds a boy 
in her thrall? 

Certain Maxims of Hafiz 

MAY FOURTH 

Theer's one o' t' Ten Commandments says yo 
maun't cuvvet your neebor's ox or his jackass, 
but it doesn't say nowt about his tarrier dogs. 

Private Learoyd's Story 

MAY FIFTH 

You must learn to forgive a man when he's in 
love. He's always a nuisance. 

The Light That Failed 

MAY SIXTH 

"Faith, it's a good thing to be nursed by a 
woman when you're sick !" said Mulvaney. 
"Dir' cheap at the price av twenty broken 
heads." 

On Greenhow Hill 

MAY SEVENTH 

Poor or boor is the man who cannot pick 
up a friend for a season in America. 

America's Defenceless Coasts 
[46] 



MAY EIGHTH 

If the wife should go wrong with a comrade, be 

loth 
To shoot when you catch 'em — you'll swing, on 

my oath ! — 
Make 'im take *er and keep 'er: that's Hell for 

them both, 
An' you're shut o' the curse of a soldier. 

The Young British Soldier 

MAY NINTH 

But the freedom of the young girl has its 
drawbacks. She is — I say it with all reluctance 
— irreverent, from her forty-dollar bonnet to the 
buckles in her eighteen-dollar shoes. She talks 
flippantly to her parents and men old enough to 
be her grandfather. She has a prescriptive right 
to the society of the man who arrives. The par- 
ents admit it. 

This is sometimes embarrassing, especially 
when you call on a man and his wife for the 
sake of information — the one being a merchant 
of varied knowledge, the other a woman of the 
world. In five minutes your host has vanished. 
In another five his wife has followed him, and 
you are left alone with a very charming maiden, 
doubtless, but certainly not the person you came 
to see. 

American Politics 
MAY TENTH 

Never resist the devil. He holds the bank. 
Fly from him. 

The Light That Failed 
[47] 



MAY ELEVENTH 

Now I understood why the Lords of Life and 
Death shut the doors so carefully behind us. 
It is that we may not remember our first woo- 
ings. Were it not so, our world would be with- 
out inhabitants in a hundred years. 

The Finest Story in the World 
MAY TWELFTH 

Men are licensed to stumble, but a clever 
woman's mistake is outside the regular course 
of Nature and Providence; since all good peo- 
ple know that a woman is the only infallible 
thing in this world, except Government Paper 
of the '79 issue, bearing interest at four and a 
half per cent. 

The Education of Otis Yeere 

MAY THIRTEENTH 

Open the old cigar-box — let me consider anew — 

Old friends, and who is Maggie that I should 

abandon you? 
A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear 

the yoke; 
And a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar 

is a Smoke. 

The Betrothed 

MAY FOURTEENTH 

How can a man who has never married; who 
cannot be trusted to pick up at sight a moder- 
ately sound horse; whose head is hot and upset 
with visions of domestic felicity, go about the 
choosing of a wife? He cannot see straight or 

[48] 



think straight if he tries; and the same disad- 
vantages exist in case of a girl's fancies. But 
when mature, married, and discreet people ar- 
range a match between a boy and a girl, they do 
it sensibly, with a view to the future, and the 
young couple live happily ever afterward. As 
everybody knows. 

Kidnapped 

MAY FIFTEENTH 
"It isn't a fib." 
"It's worse; it's a half truth." 

The Light That Failed 

MAY SIXTEENTH 

Every man is entitled to his own religious 
opinions; but no man — least of all a junior — 
has a right to thrust these down other men's 
throats. 

The Conversion of Aurelian McGoggin 

MAY SEVENTEENTH 

Bronckhorst was not nice in any way. He 
had no respect for the pretty public and private 
lies that make life a little less nasty than it is. 

The Bronckhorst Divorce-case 

MAY EIGHTEENTH 

This is worth remembering. Speaking to, or 
crying over, a husband never did any good yet. 

Three and — an Extra 

MAY NINETEENTH 

The sublimest mysteries of another faith lose 
salt through constant iteration. 

The American Army 
[49] 



MAY TWENTIETH 

You may think also that the mere incident of 
the watch was too small and trivial to raise this 
misunderstanding. It is another aged fact that, 
in life as well as racing, all the worst accidents 
happen at little ditches and cut-down fences. 

Watches of the Night 

MAY TWENTY-FIRST 

We are very slightly changed 
From the semi-apes who ranged 

India's prehistoric clay; 
Whoso drew the longest bow, 
Ran his brother down, you know. 

As we run men down to-day. 

General Summary 

MAY TWENTY-SECOND 

"Oh, you beautiful — you prettee dog !" she 
says, clippin' an' chantin' her speech in a way 
them sooart has o' their aawn ; "I would like a 
dog like you. You are so verree lovelee — so 
awfullee prettee," an' all thot sort o' talk, 'at a 
dog o* sense mebbe thinks nowt on, tho' he 
bides it by reason o' his breedin'. 

An' then I meks him joomp ower my swag- 
ger-cane, an' shek hands, an' beg, an' lie dead, 
an' a lot o' them tricks as laadies teeaches dogs, 
though I doan't baud with it mysen, for it's 
makin' a fool o' a good dog to do such like. 

Private Learoyd's Story 
[50] 



MAY TWENTY-THIRD 

Regiments are just like women. They will 
do anything for trinketry. 

The Rout of the White Hussars 
MAY TWENTY-FOURTH 

They shall be good and shall with their hands 
to work learn. For all good Christians must 
work. 

The Judgment of Dungara 
MAY TWENTY-FIFTH 

She made no sign when Holden entered, be- 
cause the human soul is a very lonely thing, and 
when it is getting ready to go away hides itself 
in a misty border-land where the living may not 

follow. Without Benefit of Clergy 

MAY TWENTY-SIXTH 

A man should, whatever happens, keep to his 
own caste, race, and breed. Let the White go 
to the White and the Black to the Black. Then, 
whatever trouble falls is in the ordinary course 
of things — neither sudden, alien, nor unexpected. 

Beyond the Pale 

MAY TWENTY-SEVENTH 

And they came to the Gate within the wall where 
Peter holds the keys. 

"Stand up, stand up now, Tomlinson, and answer 
loud and high 

The good that ye did for the sake of men or ever 
ye came to die — 

The good that ye did for the sake of men in lit- 
tle earth so lone!" 

[51] 



And the naked soul of Tomlinson grew white as 

a rain-washed bone. 
*'0, I have a friend on earth," he said, "that was 

my priest and guide, 
And well would he answer all for me if he were 

by my side." 
— "For that ye strove in neighbor-love it shall 

be written fair. 
But now ye wait at Heaven's Gate and not in 

Berkeley Square: 
Though we called your friend from his bed this 

night, he could not speak for you, 
For the race is run by one and one and never by 

two and two." 
Then Tomlinson looked up and down, and little 

gain was there, 
For the naked stars grinned overhead, and he 

saw that his soul was bare. Tomlinson 

MAY TWENTY-EIGHTH 

There are more ways of running a horse to 
suit your book than pulling his head off in the 
straight. Some men forget this. Understand 
clearly that all racing is rotten — as everything 
connected with losing money must be. 

The Broketi'Link Handicap 

MAY TWENTY-NINTH 

Moonlight picnics are useful just at the very 
end of the season, before all the girls go away 
to the Hills. They lead to understandings, and 
should be encouraged by chaperons; especially 
those whose girls look sweetest in riding-habits. 

False Dawn 
[52] 



MAY THIRTIETH 

That regular army, which is a dear little 
army, should be kept to itself, blooded on de- 
tachment duty, turned into the paths of science, 
and now and again assembled at feasts of Free 
Masons, and so forth. 

It is too tiny to be a political power. The im- 
mortal wreck of the Grand Army of the Repub- 
lic is a political power of the largest and most 
unblushing description. 

The American Army 

MAY THIRTY-FIRST 

The first great law of the army says: "All 
property is common except money, and you've 
only got to ask the next man for that." 

A Conference of the Powers 



[53] 



Suite 

JUNE FIRST 

A WOMAN will forgive the man who has 
ruined her life's work so long as he gives 
her love : a man may forgive those who ruin the 
love of his life, but he will never forgive the 
destruction of his work. 

The Light That Failed 

JUNE SECOND 

I guess, perhaps, very early marriage may ac- 
count for a good deal of the divorce. 

America's Defenceless Coasts 
JUNE THIRD 

I go to concert, party, ball — 

What profit is in these? 
I sit alone against the wall 

And strive to look at ease. 
The incense that is mine by right 

They burn before Her shrine; 
And that's because I'm seventeen 

And She is forty-nine. 

My Rival 
JUNE FOURTH 

The advantages of having a jujube-tree for a 
husband are obvious. You cannot hurt his feel- 
ings, and he looks imposing. 

On the City Wall 
[55] 



JUNE FIFTH 

Nota Bene. — When one is on the road it is 
above all things necessary to "pass the time 
o* day" to fellow-wanderers. Failure to com- 
ply with this law implies that the offender is 
"too good for his company," and this, on the 
road, is an unpardonable sin. ^^^^^^^ ^^ ^^^^^^ 

JUNE SIXTH 

You'll lose ever so many more, dear, if you 
use every hour of working light. Overwork's 
only murderous idleness. Don't be unreason- 

^^*^* The Light That Failed 

JUNE SEVENTH 

Excepting, always, falling off a horse there is 
nothing more fatally easy than marriage before 
the Registrar. The ceremony costs less than 
fifty shillings, and is remarkably like walking 
into a pawn-shop. After the declarations of res- 
idence have been put in, four minutes will cover 
the rest of the proceedings — fees, attestation, and 
all. Then the Registrar slides the blotting-pad 
over the names, and says grimly with his pen 
between his teeth, "Now you're man and wife"; 
and the couple walk out into the street feeling 
as if something were horribly illegal somewhere. 

But that ceremony holds and can drag a man 
to his undoing just as thoroughly as the "long 
as ye both shall live" curse from the altar-rails, 
with the bridesmaids giggling behind, and "The 
voice that breathed o'er Eden" lifting the roof 

^"* In the Pride of His Youth 

[56] 



JUNE EIGHTH 

Maggie is pretty to look at — Maggie's a loving 

lass, 
But the prettiest cheeks must wrinkle, the truest 

of loves must pass. 

There's peace in a Laranaga, there's calm in a 

Henry Clay, 
But the best cigar in an hour is finished and 

thrown away — 

Thrown away for another as perfect and ripe 

and brown — 
But I could not throw away Maggie for fear 

o' the talk o' the town ! 

The Betrothed 

JUNE NINTH 

Four-and-twenty engines in every stage of 
decomposition stand in one huge shop. A 
travelling crane runs overhead, and the men 
have hauled up one end of a bright vermilion 
loco. The effect is the silence of a scornful 
stare — just such a look as a colonel's portly 
wife gives through her pince-nez at the au- 
dacious subaltern. Engines are the "liveliest" 
things that man ever made. They glare 
through their spectacle-plates, they tilt their 
noses contemptuously, and when their insides 
are gone they adorn themselves, with red lead 
and leer like decayed beauties; and in the Ja- 
malpur works there is no escape from them. 

City of the Dreadful Night 

[57] 



JUNE TENTH 

The American of wealth is owned by his 
family. They exploit him for bullion. The 
women get the ha'pence, the kicks are all his 
own. Nothing is too good for an American's 
daughter. 

American Politics 

JUNE ELEVENTH 

The first proof a man gives of his interest in 
a woman is by talking to her about his own sweet 
self. If the woman listens without yawning, he 
begins to like her. If she flatters the animal's 
vanity, he ends by adoring her. 

The Education of Otis Yeere 

JUNE TWELFTH 

They builded a tower to shiver the sky and 

wrench the stars apart, 
Till the Devil grunted behind the bricks: "It's 

striking, but is it art?" 
The stone was dropped by the quarry-side, and 

the idle derrick swung. 
While each man talked of the aims of art, and 

each in an alien tongue. 

They fought and they talked in the north and 
south, they talked and they fought in the 
west, 

Till the waters rose on the jabbering land, and 
the poor Red Clay had rest — 
[58] 



Had rest till the dank blank-canvas dawn when 
the dove was preened to start, 

And the Devil bubbled below the keel : "It's hu- 
man, but is it art?" 

The Conundrum of the Workshops 

JUNE THIRTEENTH 

"You're fond of him?" 

"I'd take any punishment that's in store for 
him if I could; but the worst of it is, no man 
can save his brother." 

The Light That Failed 

JUNE FOURTEENTH 

If he had gone on with his work, he would 
have been caught up to the Secretariat in a few 
years. He was of the type that goes there — 
all head, no physique, and a hundred theories. 

The Conversion of Aurelian McGoggin 

JUNE FIFTEENTH 

You are a Christi-an, and it is forbidden to 
eat, in your books, of the Tree of Life, or else 
you would never die. How shall you all fear 
death if you all know what your friend does not 
know that he knows ? I am afraid to be kicked, 
but I am not afraid to die, because I know what 
I know. You are not afraid to be kicked, but 
you are afraid to die. If you were not, by God ! 
you English would be all over the shop in an 
hour, upsetting the balances of power, and mak- 
ing commotions. It would not be good. 

The Finest Story in the World 
[59] 



JUNE SIXTEENTH 

By Docket, Billet-doux, and File, 

By Mountain, Cliff, and Fir, 
By Fan and Sword and Office-box, 

By Corset, Plume, and Spur, 
By Riot, Revel, Waltz, and War, 

By Women, Work, and Bills, 
By all the life that fizzes in 
The everlasting Hills, 

If you love me as I love you 
What pair so happy as we twof 

An Old Song 

JUNE SEVENTEENTH 

At dusk there stood ready forty-two troopers, 
lean, worn, and disheveled, whom Tommy Dodd 
surveyed with pride, and addressed thus : "O 
men! If you die you will go to Hell. There- 
fore endeavor to keep alive. But if you go to 
Hell that place cannot be hotter than this place, 
and we are not told that we shall there suffer 
from fever. Consequently be not afraid of dy- 
ing. File out there!" They grinned, and went. 

The Head of the District 

JUNE EIGHTEENTH 

Ride with an idle whip, ride with an unused heel, 

But, once in a way, there will come a day 
When the colt must be taught to feel 
The lash that falls, and the curb that galls, and 
the sting of the rowelled steel. 

Life's Handicap 
[60] 



JUNE NINETEENTH 

He gave way to the queer, savage feeling that 
sometimes takes by the throat a husband twenty 
years' married, when he sees across the table the 
same face of his wedded wife, and knows that, 
as he has sat facing it, so must he continue to sit 
until the day of its death or his own. Most men 
and all women know the spasm. It only lasts 
for three breaths as a rule, must be a **throw- 
back" to times when men and women were 
rather worse than they are now, and is too un- 
pleasant to be discussed. 

The Bronekhorst Divorce-case 

JUNE TWENTIETH 

I wasn't any means comfortable, for I knew 
that dealings with a woman in foreign parts, 
though you was a crowned King twenty times 
over, could not but be risky. 

The Man Who Would Be King 

JUNE TWENTY-FIRST 

A honeymoon in India is seldom more than 
a week long; but there is nothing to hinder a 
couple from extending it over two or three 
years. 

By Word of Mouth 
JUNE TWENTY-SECOND 

Were the Day of Doom to dawn to-morrow, 
you would find the Supreme Government "tak- 
ing measures to allay popular excitement" and 
putting guards upon the graveyards that the 
Dead might troop forth orderly. The youngest 

[6i] 



Civilian would arrest Gabriel on his own respon- 
sibility if the Archangel could not produce a 
Deputy Commissioner's permission to "make 
music or other noises" as the license says. 

On the City Wall 
JUNE TWENTY-THIRD 

He did his best to interest the girl in himself — 
that is to say, his work — and she, after the man- 
ner of women, did her best to appear interested 
in what, behind his back, she called "Mr. 
Wressley's Wajahs"; for she lisped very prettily. 
She did not understand one little thing about 
them, but she acted as if she did. Men have 
married on that sort of error before now. 

Wressley of the Foreign Office 

JUNE TWENTY-FOURTH 

As the thriftless gold of the babul, so is the gold 

that we spend 
On a Derby Sweep, or our neighbor's wife, or 

the horse that we buy from a friend. 

Certain Maxims of HaHs 

JUNE TWENTY-FIFTH 

There are three or four times in a man's life 
when he is justified in meddling with other 
people's affairs to play Providence. 

The Bisara of Pooree 

JUNE TWENTY-SIXTH 

Thin I called myself a blayguard for thinkin' 
such things; but I thought thim all the same. 
An' that, mark you, is the way av a man. 

The Solid Muldoon 
[62] 



JUNE TWENTY-SEVENTH 

If the Venetian owned the Pichola Sagar he 
might say with Justice : — "See it and die." But 
it is better to live and go to dinner, and strike 
into a new life — that of the men who bear the 
hat-mark on their brow as plainly as the well- 
bom native carries the trisul of Shiva. 

Letters of Marque 

JUNE TWENTY-EIGHTH 
Accept on trust and work in darkness, strike 
At venture, stumble forward, make your mark 
(It's chalk on granite), then thank God no flame 
Leaps from the rock to shrivel mark and man. 

One Viceroy Resigns 

JUNE TWENTY-NINTH 

No one — man or woman — feels an angel when 
the hot weather is approaching. 

False Dawn 

JUNE THIRTIETH 

The temper of chums, the love of your wife, 

and a new piano's tune — 
Which of the three will you trust at the end of 

an Indian June? 

Certain Maxims of Hafiz 



[63] 



Mv 



JULY FIRST 

LOVE and Death once ceased their strife 
At the Tavern of Man's Life. 
Called for wine, and threw — alas ! — 
Each his quiver on the grass. 
When the bout was o'er they found 
Mingled arrows strewed the ground. 
Hastily they gathered then 
Each the loves and lives of men. 
Ah, the fateful dawn deceived! 
Mingled arrows each one sheaved: 
Death's dread armory was stored 
With the shafts he most abhorred: 
Love's light quiver groaned beneath 
Venom-headed darts of Death. 
Thus it was they wrought our woe 
At the Tavern long ago. 
Tell me, do oui* masters know, 
Loosing blindly as they fly, 
Old men love while young men die? 

The Explanation 

JULY SECOND 

When young lips have drunk deep of the bit- 
ter waters of Hate, Suspicion, and Despair, all 
the Love in the world will not wholly take away 
that knowledge; though it may turn darkened 

[65] 



eyes for a while to the light, and teach Faith 
where no Faith was. 

Baa Baa, Black Sheep 

JULY THIRD 

To reshume. Fwhat I've said jist shows the 
use av three-year-olds. Wud fifty seasoned sod- 
gers have taken Lungtungpen in the dhark that 
way ? No ! They'd know the risk av fever and 
chill. Let alone the shootin'. Two hundher' 
might have done ut. But the three-year-olds 
know little an' care less; an' where there's no 
fear, there's no danger. Catch thim young, feed 
thim high, an' by the honor av that great, little 
man Bobs, behind a good orficer 'tisn't only da- 
coits they'd smash wid their clo'es off — 'tis Con- 
ti-nental Ar-r-r-mies ! They tuk Lungtungpen 
nakid; an' they'd take St. Pethersburg in their 
dhrawers ! Begad, they would that ! 

The Taking of Lungtungpen 

JULY FOURTH 

When one hears so much of the nation that 
can whip the earth, it is, to say the least of it, 
surprising to find her so temptingly spankable. 

The average American citizen seems to have 
a notion that any Power engaged in strife with 
the Star Spangled Banner will disembark men 
from flat-bottomed boats on a convenient beach 
for the purpose of being shot down by local 
militia. In his own simple phraseology : 

"Not by a darned sight. No, sir." 

America's Defenceless Coasts 

[66] 



JULY FIFTH 

A man in the train said to me: 

"We kin feed all the earth, jest as easily as 
we kin whip all the earth." 

Now the second statement is as false as the 
first is true. One of these days the respectable 
Republic will find this out. 

Unfortunately we, the English, will never be 
the people to teach her; because she is a char- 
tered libertine allowed to say and do anything 
she likes, from demanding the head of the em- 
press in an editorial waste-basket, to chevying 
Canadian schooners up and down the Alaska 
Seas. It is perfectly impossible to go to war 
with these people, whatever they may do. 

They are much too nice, in the first place, 
and in the second, it would throw out all the 
passenger traffic of the Atlantic, and upset the 
financial arrangements of the English syndicates 
who have invested their money in breweries, 
railways, and the like, and in the third, it's not 
to be done. Everybody knows that, no one bet- 
ter than the American. 

America's Defenceless Coasts 

JULY SIXTH 

He fell to work, whistling softly, and was 
swallowed up in the clean, clear joy of creation, 
which does not come to man too often, lest he 
should consider himself the equal of his God, 
and so refuse to die at the appointed time. 

The Light That Failed 
[67] 



JULY SEVENTH 

The tale is old as the Eden Tree — as new as the 

new-cut tooth — 
For each man knows ere his lip-thatch grows he 

is master of art and truth; 
And each man hears as the twilight nears, to the 

beat of his dying heart, 
The Devil drum on the darkened pane: "You 

did it, but was it art?" 

The Conundrum of the Workshops 
JULY EIGHTH 

To rear a boy under what parents call the 
"sheltered life system" is, if the boy must go 
into the world and fend for himself, not wise. 
Unless he be one in a thousand he has certainly 
to pass through many unnecessary troubles ; and 
may, possibly, come to extreme grief simply 
from ignorance of the proper proportions of 

thmgS. Thrown Away 

JULY NINTH 

The toad beneath the harrow knows 
Exactly where each tooth-point goes. 
The butterfly upon the road 
Preaches contentment to that toad. 

Pagett, M. p. 
JULY TENTH 

A powerfully prayerful Highland Regiment, 
officered by rank Presbyterians, is, perhaps, one 
degree more terrible in action than a hard-bitten 
thousand of irresponsible Irish ruffians led by 
most improper unbelievers. But these things 

[68] 



prove the rule — which is that the midway men 
are not to be trusted alone. They have ideas 
about the value of life and an upbringing that 
have not taught them to go in and take the 

chances. -y,^^ Drums of the Fore and Aft 

JULY ELEVENTH 

It were better to go up to heaven in a coal- 
basket than down to hell in a coach an' six. 

On Greenhow Hill 
JULY TWELFTH 

A boy of to-day is affected by every change 
of tone and gust of opinion, so that he lies even 
when he desires to speak the truth. 

The Finest Story in the World 
JULY THIRTEENTH 
The wind that blows between the worlds, it cut 

him like a knife. 
And Tomlinson took up his tale and spoke of his 

good in life. 
"This I have read in a book," he said, "and that 

was told to me, 
And this I have thought that another man 

thought of a Prince in Muscovy." 
The good souls flocked like homing doves and 

bade him clear the path, 
And Peter twirled the jangling keys in weariness 

and wrath. 
"Ye have read, ye have heard, ye have thought," 

he said, "and the tale is yet to run : 
By the worth of the body that once ye had, give 

answer— what ha' ye done ?" Tomiinson 

[69] 



JULY FOURTEENTH 

The World hath set its heavy yoke 
Upon the old white-bearded folk 

Who strive to please the King. 
God's mercy is upon the young, 
God's wisdom in the baby tongue 

That fears not anything. 

The Parable of Chajju Bhagat 
JULY FIFTEENTH 

"And I know by what you have just said that 
you're on the wrong road to success. It isn't 
got at by sacrificing other people, — I've had that 
much knocked into me; you must sacrifice your- 
self, and live under orders, and never think for 
yourself, and never have real satisfaction in your 
work except just at the beginning, when you're 
reaching out after a notion." 

"How can you believe all that?" 

"There's no question of belief or disbelief. 
That's the law, and you take it or refuse it as 
you please. y,^^ ^^.^j^^ ^^^^^ p^.^^^ 

JULY SIXTEENTH 

Until steam replaces manual power in the 
working of the Empire, there must always be 
this percentage — must always be the men who 
are used up, expended, in the mere mechanical 
routine. For these promotion is far off and the 
mill-grind of every day very instant. The Secre- 
tariats know them only by name; they are not 
the picked men of the Districts with Divisions 
and Collectorates awaiting them. They are sim- 

[70] 



ply the rank and file — the food for fever — shar- 
ing with the ryot and the plough-bullock the 
honor of being the plinth on which the State 
rests. 

The Education of Otis Yeere 

JULY SEVENTEENTH 

If McGoggin had kept his creed, with the capi- 
tal letters and the endings in "isms," to himself, 
no one would have cared; but his grandfathers 
on both sides had been Wesleyan preachers, and 
the preaching strain came out in his mind. He 
wanted every one at the Club to see that they 
had no souls too, and to help him to eliminate 
his Creator. As a good many men told him, he 
undoubtedly had no soul, because he was so 
young, but it did not follow that his seniors 
were equally undeveloped; and, whether there 
was another world or not, a man still wanted to 
read his papers in this. 

The Conversion of Aurelian McGoggin 

JULY EIGHTEENTH 

One of the many curses of our life in India 
is the want of atmosphere in the painter's sense. 
There are no half-tints worth noticing. Men 
stand out all crude and raw, with nothing to 
tone them down, and nothing to scale them 
against. They do their work, and grow to think 
that there is nothing but their work, and noth- 
ing like their work, and that they are the real 
pivots on which the Administration turns. Here 
is an instance of this feeling. A half-caste clerk 

[71] 



was ruling forms in a Pay Office. He said to 
me, "Do you know what would happen if I 
added or took away one single line on this 
sheet ?" Then, with the air of a conspirator, "It 
would disorganize the whole of the Treasury 
payments throughout the whole of the Presi- 
dency Circle! Think of that!" 

Wressley of the Foreign Office 
JULY NINETEENTH 

"I think I shall go to sleep." 

"Then you'll get fat, dear. If you took more 
exercise and a more intelligent interest in your 
neighbors you would" — 

"Be as much loved as Mrs. Hauksbee." 

A Second-rate Woman 
JULY TWENTIETH 

Very many women took an interest in Sau- 
marez, perhaps because his manner to them was 
offensive. If you hit a pony over the nose at 
the outset of your acquaintance, he may not 
love you, but he will take a deep interest in 
your movements ever afterward. 

False Dawn 
JULY TWENTY-FIRST 
If It be pleasant to look on, stalled in the packed 

serai, 
Does not the Young Man try Its temper and 

pace ere he buy? 
If She be pleasant to look on, what does the 

Young Man say? 
"Lo! She is pleasant to look on, give Her to 

me to-day . certain Maxims of Hafiz 

[72] 



JULY TWENTY-SECOND 

You mustn't mind what other people do. If 
their souls were your soul, it would be differ- 
ent. You stand and fall by your own work, re- 
member, and it's waste of time to think of any 
one else in this battle. 

The Light That Failed 

JULY TWENTY-THIRD 

An order is an order till one is strong enough 
to disobey. 

Dray Wara Yow Dee 

JULY TWENTY-FOURTH 

It is a curious thing that, when a man hates 
or loves beyond reason, he is ready to go be- 
yond reason to gratify his feelings. Which he 
would not do for money or power merely. 

The Biiara of Pooree 

JULY TWENTY-FIFTH 

If we fall in the race, though we win, the hoof- 
slide is scarred on the course. 

Though Allah and Earth pardon Sin, remaineth 
forever Remorse. 

Certain Maxims of Haflz 

JULY TWENTY-SIXTH 

No man can act or tell lies to a woman without 
being found out. 

On the Strength of a Likeness 
[ 73 ] 



JULY TWENTY-SEVENTH 

When a matured man discovers that he has 
been deserted by Providence, deprived of his God, 
and cast without help, comfort, or sympathy, 
upon a world which is new and strange to him, 
his despair, which may find expression in evil- 
living, the writing of his experiences, or the 
more satisfactory diversion of suicide, is gen- 
erally supposed to be impressive. A child, under 
exactly similar circumstances as far as its knowl- 
edge goes, cannot very well curse God and die. 
It howls till its nose is red, its eyes are sore, and 
its head aches. 

Baa Baa, Black Sheep 

JULY TWENTY-felGHTH 

.... You'll dream dreams before you've done. 

You've youth, that's one — good workmen — that 

means two 
Fair chances in your favor. Fate's the third. 

One Viceroy Resigns 

JULY TWENTY-NINTH 

Meddling with another man's folly is always 
thankless work. 

The Rescue of PluMes 
JULY THIRTIETH 

Great is the justice of the White Man — 
greater the power of a lie. 

Native Proverb 
JULY THIRTY-FIRST 

But a snake is a snake till it is dead; and a 
liar is a liar till the Judgment of God takes 
hold of his heel. ^^^.^. 

I74] 



HuBUgt 



AUGUST FIRST 

I AM not sure what real "earnestness" is. A 
very fair imitation can be manufactured by 
neglecting to dress decently, by mooning about in 
a dreamy, misty sort of way, by taking office- 
work home, after staying in office till seven, and 
by receiving crowds of native gentlemen on Sun- 
days. That is one sort of "earnestness." 

Pig 

AUGUST SECOND 

Never praise a sister to a sister, in the hope 
of your compliments reaching the proper ears, 
and so preparing the way for you later on. 
Sisters are women first, and sisters afterward; 
and you will find that you do yourself harm. 

False Dawn 

AUGUST THIRD 

There lie several sorts of success in this 
world that taste well in the moment of enjoy- 
ment, but I question whether the stealthy theft 
of line from an able-bodied salmon who knows 
exactly what you are doing and why you are 
doing it is not sweeter than any other victory 
within human scope. 

American Salmon 

[75] 



AUGUST FOURTH 

Ould days are hard to bring back again into 
the mouth, but they're always inside the head. 

Black Jack 

AUGUST FIFTH 

One can no more avoid working than eat- 
ing — that goes by itself, — but try to see what 
you are working for. 

The Light That Failed 

AUGUST SIXTH 

Oliver Wendell Holmes says that the Yankee 
school-marm, the cider and the salt codfish of 
the Eastern States, are responsible for what he 
calls a nasal accent. I know better. They stole 
books from across the water without paying for 
'em, and the snort of delight was fixed in their 
nostrils forever by a just Providence. That is 
why they talk a foreign tongue to-day. 

At the Golden Gate 

AUGUST SEVENTH 

How beautiful upon the mountains — in peace 
reclining. 

Thus to be assured that our people are unani- 
mously dining. 

And though there are places not so blessed as 
others in natural advantages, which, after 
all, was only to be expected, 

Proud and glad are we to congratulate you 
upon the work you have thus ably effected. 

(Cres.) How be-ewtiful upon the mountains! 

The Masque of Plenty 
[76] 



AUGUST EIGHTH 

It is good to be free, a wanderer upon the 
highways, knowing not what to-morrow will 
bring forth. 

Verily, there is no life like life on the road — 
when the skies are cool and all men are kind. 

Letters of Marque 

AUGUST NINTH 

Binkie, never you be a man, little dorglums. 
They're contrary brutes, and they do things with- 
out any reason. 

The Light That Failed 

AUGUST TENTH 

As is cold water in the Tirah, so is the sight 
of a friend in a far place. 

Dray Wara Yow Dee 

There's no pleasure like meeting an old friend, 
except, perhaps, making a new one. 

The Enlightenments of Pagett, M. P. 

AUGUST ELEVENTH 

While the snaffle holds, or the long-neck stings, 
While the big beam tilts, or the last bell rings, 
While horses are horses to train and to race, 
Then women and wine take a second place. 

Song of the G. R, 
AUGUST TWELFTH 

The oldest trouble in the world comes from 
want of understanding. And it is entirely the 
fault of the woman. Somehow, she is built in- 

[77] 



capable of speaking the truth, even to herself. 
She only finds it out about four months later, 
when the man is dead, or has been transferred. 

Bitters Neat 
AUGUST THIRTEENTH 

More men are killed by overwork than the 
importance of this world justifies. 

The Phantom 'Rickshaw 

AUGUST FOURTEENTH 

Oh, this I have felt, and this I have guessed, and 

this I have heard men say. 
And this they wrote that another man wrote 

of a carl in Norroway. 
Ye have read, ye have felt, ye have guessed, 

good lack! Ye have hampered Heaven's 

Gate; 
There's little room between the stars in idle- 
ness to prate ! 
Oh, none may reach by hired speech of neighbor, 

priest, and kin. 
Through borrowed deed to God's good meed 

that lies so far within. 

Totnlinson 

AUGUST FIFTEENTH 

"You're a darling in many ways and I like you 
— you are not a woman's woman — ^but why do 
you trouble yourself about mere human beings?" 

"Because in the absence of angels, who I am 
sure would be horribly dull, men and women 
are the most fascinating things in the whole 

wide world, lazy one." ^ Second-rate Woman 

[78] 



AUGUST SIXTEENTH 

If men had not this delusion as to the ultra- 
importance of their own particular employments, 
I suppose that they would sit down and kill 
themselves. But their weakness is wearisome, 
particularly when the listener knows that he 
himself commits exactly the same sin. 

Wressley of the Foreign Office 

AUGUST SEVENTEENTH 

He could not accept any order without trying 
to better it. That was the fault of his creed. It 
made men too responsible and left too much to 
their honor. You can sometimes ride an old 
horse in halter; but never a colt. 

The Conversion of Aurelian McGoggin 

AUGUST EIGHTEENTH 

But seamen learned — what landsmen know — 

That neither gifts nor gain 
Can hold a winking Light o' Love 

Or Fancy's flight restrain. 

Ballad of Fisher's Boar ding-House 

AUGUST NINETEENTH 

To attain power, wrote the builder of old, in 
sentences of fine stone, it is necessary to pass 
through all sorts of close-packed horrors, treach- 
eries, battles and insults, in darkness and with- 
out knowledge whether the road leads upward or 
into a hopeless cul-de-sac. 

Letters of Marque 
[79] 



AUGUST TWENTIETH 

Torpenhow came into the studio at dusk, and 
looked at Dick with his eyes full of the austere 
love that springs up between men who have 
tugged at the same oar together and are yoked 
by custom and use and the intimacies of toil. 
This is a good love, and since it allows, and even 
encourages, strife, recrimination, and the most 
brutal sincerity, does not die, but increases, and 
is proof against any absence and evil conduct. 

The Light That Failed 

AUGUST TWENTY-FIRST . 

When an American wishes to be correct he 
sets himself to imitate the Englishman. This 
he does vilely, and earns not only the contempt 
of his brethren, but the amused scorn of the 
Briton. 

America's Defenceless Coasts 

AUGUST TWENTY-SECOND 

Friend of my heart, is it meet or wise 
To warn a King of his enemies ? 
We know what Heaven or Hell may bring, 
But no man knoweth the mind of the King. 

The Ballad of the King's Jest 

AUGUST TWENTY-THIRD 

The girls take every gift as a matter of course, 
and yet they develop greatly when a catastro- 
phe arrives and the man of many millions goes 
up or goes down, and his daughters take to 
stenography or typewriting. I have heard many 

[80] 



tales of heroism from the lips of girls who 
counted the principals among their friends. The 
crash came, Mamie, or Hattie, or Sadie, gave up 
their maid, their carriages and candy, and with 
a No. 2 Remington and a stout heart set about 
earning their daily bread. 

"And did I drop her from the list of my 
friends? No, sir," said a scarlet-lipped vision 
in white lace ; "that might happen to us any day." 

American Politics 

AUGUST TWENTY-FOURTH 

"It's more easy, though, to get rid of three 
women than a piece of one's life and surround- 
ings." 

"But a woman can be" — began Dick, un- 
guardedly. 

"A piece of one's life," continued Torpenhow. 
"No, she can't." His face darkened for a mo- 
ment. "She says she wants to sympathize with 
you and help you in your work, and everything 
else that clearly a man must do for himself. 
Then she sends round five notes a day to ask 
why the dickens you haven't been wasting your 
time with her." 

The Light That Failed 

AUGUST TWENTY-FIFTH 

Depend upon it, Solomon would never have 
built altars to Ashtaroth and all those ladies 
with queer names, if there had not been trouble 
of some kind in his senana, and nowhere else. 

The Bisara of Pooree 

[8i] 



AUGUST TWENTY-SIXTH 

If She grow suddenly gracious — reflect. Is it 

all for thee? 
The black-buck is stalked through the bullock, 

and Man through jealousy. 

Certain Maxims of Hafiz 

AUGUST TWENTY-SEVENTH 

There are few things sweeter in this world 
than the guileless, hot-headed, intemperate, open 
admiration of a junior. Even a woman in her 
blindest devotion does not fall into the gait of 
the man she adores, tilt her bonnet to the angle 
at which he wears his hat, or interlard her 
speech with his pet oaths. 

The Finest Story in the World 

AUGUST TWENTY-EIGHTH 

Your Gods and my Gods — do you or I know 
which are the stronger? 

Native Proverb 

East of Suez, some hold, the direct control of 
Providence ceases; Man being there handed 
over to the power of the Gods and Devils of 
Asia, and the Church of England Providence 
only exercising an occasional and modified 
supervision in the case of Englishmen. 

This theory accounts for some of the more 
unnecessary horrors of life in India. 

The Mark of the Beast 
f82] 



AUGUST TWENTY-NINTH 

"By all I am misunderstood!" if the Matron 

shall say, or the Maid : 
"Alas! I do not understand," my son, be thou 

nowise afraid. 
In vain in the sight of the Bird is the net of 

the Fowler displayed. 

Certain Maxims of HaHz 

AUGUST THIRTIETH 

A weaver went out to reap but stayed to un- 
ravel the corn-stalks. Ha! Ha! Ha! Is there 
any sense in a weaver? 

At Twenty-two 

AUGUST THIRTY-FIRST 

There was a delightful sense of irresponsi- 
bility upon him, such as they feel who walking 
among their fellow-men know that the death- 
sentence of disease is upon them, and, since fear 
is but waste of the little time left, are riotously 
happy. 

The Light That Failed 



[83] 



September 

SEPTEMBER FIRST 

AT dawn there was a murmur in the trees, 
A ripple on the tank, and in the air 
Presage of coming coolness — everywhere 
A voice of prophecy upon the breeze. 
Up leaped the sun and smote the dust to gold, 
And strove to parch anew the heedless land. 
All impotently, as a King grown old 

Wars for the Empire crumbling 'neath his 
hand. 

One by one, the lotus-petals fell, 

Beneath the onslaught of the rebel year 

In mutiny against a furious sky; 

And far-off Winter whispered : *'It is well ! 

Hot Summer dies. Behold your help is near. 

For when men's need is sorest, then come I." 

Two Months 

SEPTEMBER SECOND 

In most big undertakings, one or two men do 
the work while the rest sit near and talk till the 
ripe decorations begin to fall. 

Wressley of the Foreign Office 
[85] 



SEPTEMBER THIRD 

Hit a man an' help a woman, an' ye can't be 
far wrong anyways. 

Maxims of Private Mulvaney 

SEPTEMBER FOURTH 

When the grief of the soul is too heavy for 
endurance it may be a little eased by speech, 
and, moreover, the mind of a true man is as a 
well, and the pebble of confession dropped there- 
in sinks and is no more seen. 

Dray Wara Yow Dee 

SEPTEMBER FIFTH 

Look to a man who has the counsel of a woman 
of or above the world to back him. So long 
as he keeps his head, he can meet both sexes 
on equal ground — an advantage never intended 
by Providence, who fashioned Man on one day 
and Woman on another, in sign that neither 
should know more than a very little of the other's 
life. Such a man goes far, or, the counsel being 
withdrawn, collapses suddenly while his world 
seeks the reason. 

The Education of Otis Yeere 

SEPTEMBER SIXTH 

Sure the Blessed Virgin is the mother of all 
religion an' most women; an' there's a dale av 
piety in a girl if the men would only let ut 
stay there. 

On Greenhow Hill 

[86] 



SEPTEMBER SEVENTH 

Go, stalk the red deer o'er the heather, 

Ride, follow the fox if you can! 
But, for pleasure and profit together, 

Allow me the hunting of Man, — 
The chase of the Human, the search for the Soul 

To its ruin, — the hunting of Man. 

The Old Shikarri 
SEPTEMBER EIGHTH 

I hate and fear snakes, because if you look 
into the eyes of any snake you will see that it 
knows all and more of man's fall, and that it 
feels all the contempt that the devil felt when 
Adam was evicted from Eden. Besides which 
its bite is generally fatal, and it bursts up 
trouser legs. 

The Recrudescence of Imray 

SEPTEMBER NINTH 

"I've no sense of humor." 

"Cultivate it, then. It has been my main- 
stay for more year? than I care to think about. 
A well-educated sense of Humor will save a 
woman when Religion, Training, and Home in- 
fluences fail ; and we may all need salvation some- 
times." 

A Second-rate Woman 
SEPTEMBER TENTH 

Did I not tell you av Silver's theatre in Dub- 
lin, whin I was younger than I am now an' a 
patron av the drama? Ould Silver wud never 
pay actorman or woman their just dues, an' by 

[87] 



consequince his comp'nies was collapsible at the 
last minut. Thin the bhoys wud clamor to take 
a part, an' oft as not ould Silver made them 
pay for the fun. Faith, I've seen Hamlut played 
wid a new black eye an' the queen as full as 
a cornucopia. I remimber wanst Hogin that 
'listed in the Black Tyrone an' was shot in South 
Africa, he sejuced ould Silver into givin' him 
Hamlut's part instid av me that had a fine fancy 
for rhetoric in those days. Av course I wint into 
the gallery an' began to fill the pit wid other 
people's hats, an' I passed the time av day to 
Hogin walkin' through Denmark like a ham- 
strung mule wid a pall on his back. "Hamlut," 
sez I, "there's a hole in your heel. Pull up your . 
shtockin's, Hamlut," sez I. "Hamlut, Hamlut, 
for the love av decincy dhrop that skull an' 
pull up your shtockin's." The whole house began 
to tell him that. He stopped his soliloquisms 
mid-between. "My shtockin's may be coming 
down or they may not," sez he, screwin' his eye 
into the gallery, for well he knew who I was. 
"But afther this performance is over me an' the 
Ghost '11 trample the tripes out av you, Terence, 
wid your ass's bray!" An' that's how I come 
to know about Hamlut. 

The Courting of Dinah Shadd 

SEPTEMBER ELEVENTH 

When you are too lucky sacrifice something, 
a beloved pipe for choice, to Ganesh. 

Letters of Marque 



SEPTEMBER TWELFTH 

The young men come, the young men go, 

Each pink and white and neat, 
She's older than their mothers, but 

They grovel at Her feet. 
They walk beside Her 'rickshaw wheels — 

None ever walk by mine; 
And that's because I'm seventeen 

And She is forty-nine. 

But even She must older grow 

And end Her dancing days. 
She can't go on forever so 

At concerts, balls, and plays. 
One ray of priceless hope I see 

Before my footsteps shine; 
Just think, that She'll be eighty-one 

When I am forty-nine. 

My Rival 

SEPTEMBER THIRTEENTH 

I've often thought, when I've seen men die 
out in the desert, that if the news could be sent 
through the world, and the means of transport 
were quick enough, there would be one woman 
at least at each man's bedside. 

The Light That Failed 

SEPTEMBER FOURTEENTH 

With a "weed" among men or horses verily this 

is the best. 
That you work him in office or dog-cart lightly 

— but give him no rest. 

Certain Maxims of HaHz 
[89] 



SEPTEMBER FIFTEENTH 

Though singing was a remarkably fine per- 
formance, I was to be quite sure that few lips 
would be moved to song if they could find a 
sufficiency of kissing. 

A Conference of the Powers 

SEPTEMBER SIXTEENTH 

"When my little head was bursting with a 
notion that I couldn't handle because I hadn't 
sufficient knowledge of my craft, I used to run 
about wondering at my own magnificence and 
getting ready to astonish the world." 

"But surely one can do that sometimes ?" 
"Very seldom with malice aforethought, 
darling. And when it's done it's such a tiny 
thing, and the world's so big, and all but a 
millionth part of it doesn't care." 

The Light That Failed 

SEPTEMBER SEVENTEENTH 

"Oh, I had a love on earth," said he, "that kissed 

me to my fall, 
And if ye would call my love to me I know she 

would answer all." // 

— "All that ye did in love forbid it shall be 

written fair, 
But now ye wait at Hell-Mouth Gate and not in 

Berkeley Square: 
Though we whistled your love from her bed 

to-night, I trow she would not run. 
For the sin ye do by two and two ye must pay 

for one by one!" Tomiinson 

[90] 




SEPTEMBER EIGHTEENTH 

He might have condensed the whole of his 
lumbering nonsense into an epigram: "Only the 
free are bond, and only the bond are free." 

The Light That Failed 

SEPTEMBER NINETEENTH 

The Chinaman waylays his adversary, and 
methodically chops him to pieces with his hatchet. 
Then the press roars about the brutal ferocity 
of the pagan. 

The Italian reconstructs his friend with a 
long knife. The press complains of the way- 
wardness of the alien. 

The Irishman and the native Californian in 
their hours of discontent use the revolver, not 
once, but six times. The press records the fact, 
and asks in the next column whether the world 
can parallel the progress of San Francisco. 

American Politics 

SEPTEMBER TWENTIETH 

Only coming from a land where a man begins 
lightly turn to thoughts of love not before 
\% is thirty, I own that playing at housekeeping 
before that age rather surprised me. Out in the 
West, though, they marry, boys and girls, from 
sixteen upward, and I have met more than one 
bride of fifteen — husband aged twenty. 

"When man and woman are agreed, what can 
the Kazi do?" 

America's Defenceless Coasts 
[91] 



SEPTEMBER TWENTY-FIRST 

Every one knows that coal strata, in common 
with women, horses, and official superiors, have 
"faults'* caused by some colic of the earth in the 
days when things were settling into their places. 

City of the Dreadful Night 

SEPTEMBER TWENTY-SECOND 

"Matter of temper," said Nilghai. "It's the 
same with horses. Some you wallop and they 
work, some you wallop and they jib, and some 
you wallop and they go out for a walk with 
their hands in their pockets." 

The Light That Failed 

SEPTEMBER TWENTY-THIRD 

We have learned to whittle the Eden Tree to the 

shape of a surplice-peg. 
We have learned to bottle our parents twain in 

the yolk of an addled egg, 
We know that the tail must wag the dog, as 

the horse is drawn by the cart; 
But the Devil whoops, as he whooped of old : 

"It's clever, but is it art?" 

The Conundrum of the Workshops 



SEPTEMBER TWENTY-FOURTH 

Our lives hold quite as much romance as is 
good for us. Sometimes more. 

Miss Youghal's Sais 
[92] 



SEPTEMBER TWENTY-FIFTH 

Every one is more or less mad on one point. 

On the Strength of a Likeness 

SEPTEMBER TWENTY-SIXTH 

The Man who Knew felt that he was justified; 
but believing and acting on a belief are quite 
different things. 

The Bisara of Pooree 

SEPTEMBER TWENTY-SEVENTH 

I was the offender, and I knew it. That 
knowledge transformed my pity into passive 
endurance, and, eventually, into blind hate — the 
same instinct, I suppose, which prompts a man 
savagely to stamp on the spider he has but half 
killed. 

The Phantom 'Rickshaw 

SEPTEMBER TWENTY-EIGHTH 

My son, if I, Hafiz, thy father, take hold of thy 

knees in my pain. 
Demanding thy name on stamped paper, one day 

or one hour — refrain. 
Are the links of thy fetters so light that thou 

cravest another man's chain ? 

Certain Maxims of HaHz 

SEPTEMBER TWENTY-NINTH 

I saw that look on her face which only comes 
once or twice in a lifetime — when a woman is 
perfectly happy and the air is full of trumpets 
and gorgeously colored fire and the Earth turns 
into cloud because she loves and is loved. 

False Dawn 
[93] 



SEPTEMBER THIRTIETH 

I watched Young California, and saw that it 
was, at least, expensively dressed, cheerful in 
manner, and self-asserting in conversation. Also 
the women were very fair. Perhaps eighteen 
days aboard ship had something to do with 
my unreserved admiration. The maidens were of 
generous build, large, well groomed, and attired 
in raiment that even to my inexperienced eyes 
must have cost much. Kearney Street at nine 
o'clock levels all distinctions of rank as impar- 
tially as the grave. Again and again I loitered 
at the heels of a couple of resplendent beings, 
only to overhear, when I expected the level voice 
of culture, the staccato "Sez he," "Sez I," that 
is the mark of the white servant-girl all the world 
over. 

At the Golden Gate 



[94] 



OCTOBER FIRST 

IT is not enough to have the method, and the 
art, and the power, nor even that which is 
touch, but you shall have also the conviction that 
nails the work to the wall. 

The Light That Failed 

OCTOBER SECOND 

There is moral, just as much as there is mine, 
choke-damp. If you get into a place laden with 
the latter you die, and if into the home of the 
former you . . . behave unwisely, as constitu- 
tion and temperament prompt. 

Letters of Marque 

OCTOBER THIRD 

As a general rule, it is inexpedient to meddle 
with questions of State in a land where men 
are highly paid to work them out for you. 

A Germ Destroyer 

OCTOBER FOURTH 

A man is never so happy as when he is talk- 
ing about himself. 

The Education of Otis Yeere 

OCTOBER FIFTH 

You can never be sure of getting rid of a 
friend or an enemy till he or she dies. 

On the Strength of a Likeness 
[95] 



OCTOBER SIXTH 

He was a six-thousand-rupee man, so great 
that his daughters never "married." They "con- 
tracted alliances." He himself was not paid. 
He "received emoluments," and his journeys 
about the country were "tours of observation." 
His business was to stir up the people in Madras 
with a long pole — as you stir up tench in a pond 
— and the people had to come up out of their 
comfortable old ways and gasp — "This is En- 
lightenment and Progress. Isn't it fine!" Then 
they gave Mellishe statues and jasmine garlands, 
in the hope of getting rid of him. 

A Germ Destroyer 

OCTOBER SEVENTH 

Life liveth best in life, and doth not roam 
To other realms if all be well at home. 
"Solid as ocean foam," quoth ocean foam. 

A Conference of the Powers 

OCTOBER EIGHTH 

He held peculiar notions as to the wooing of 
girls. He said that the best work of a man's 
career should be laid reverently at their feet. 
Ruskin writes something like this somewhere, I 
think ; but in ordinary life a few kisses are better 
and save time. 

Wressley of the Foreign OMce 

OCTOBER NINTH 

Don't be uncharitable. Any sin but that I'll 
forgive. 

A Second-rate Woman 
[96] 



OCTOBER TENTH 

The Englishman lay out at high noon on the 
crest of a rolling upland crowned with rock, 
and heard, as a loafer had told him he would 
hear, the "set of the day," which is as easily 
discernible as the change of tone between the 
rising and falling tide. At a certain hour the 
impetus of the morning dies out, and all things, 
living and inanimate, turn their thoughts to 
the prophecy of the coming night. The little 
wandering breezes drop for a time, and, when 
they blow afresh, bring the message. The "set 
of the day," as the loafer said, has changed, the 
machinery is beginning to run down, the unseen 
tides of the air are falling. The moment of the 
change can only be felt in the open and in touch 
with the earth, and once discovered, seems to 
place the finder in deep accord and fellowship 
with all things on the earth. 

Letters of Marque 



OCTOBER ELEVENTH 

For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Chuck 
him out, the brute !" 

But it's "Saviour of 'is country," when the guns 
begin to shoot ; 

Yes, it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' any- 
thing you please; 

But Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool — you bet that 
Tommy sees ! 

Tommy 
[97] 



OCTOBER TWELFTH 

Hira Singh leaped to his feet with a long- 
drawn vernacular oath. "Colonel Sahib," said 
he, "that man is no Afghan, for they weep 'Ai! 
AH* Nor is he of Hindoostan, for they weep 
'Oh! Ho!' He weeps after the fashion of the 
white man, who say 'Ozv! Ow!' " 

The Man Who Was , 

OCTOBER THIRTEENTH 

A certain amount of "screw" is as necessary 
for a man as for a billiard-ball. It makes them 
both do wonderful things. 

In the Pride of His Youth 

OCTOBER FOURTEENTH 

All the beauty of Bret Harte is being ruined 
for me, because I find myself catching through 
the roll of his rhythmical prose the cadence of 
his peculiar fatherland. Get an American lady 
to read to you "How Santa Glaus Game to Simp- 
son's Bar," and see how much is, under her 
tongue, left of the beauty of the original. 

But I am sorry for Bret Harte. It happened 
this way. A reporter asked me what I thought 
of the city, and I made answer suavely that it 
was hallowed ground to me, because of Bret 
Harte. That was true. 

"Well," said the reporter, "Bret Harte claims 
Galifornia, but California don't claim Bret Harte. 
He's been so long in England that he's quite 
English. Have you seen our cracker factories 
or the new offices of the Examiner?'* 

[98] 



He could not understand that to the outside 
world the city was worth a great deal less than 
the man. I never intended to curse the people 
with a provincialism so vast as this. 

At the Golden Gate 

OCTOBER FIFTEENTH 

If we sit down quietly to work out notions that 
are sent to us, we may or may not do something 
that isn't bad. A great deal depends on being 
master of the bricks and mortar of the trade. 
But the instant we begin to think about success 
and the effect of our work — to play with one 
eye on the gallery — we lose power and touch 
and everything else. At least that's how I have 
found it. Instead of being quiet and giving 
every power you possess to your work, you're 
fretting over something which you can neither 
help nor hinder by a minute. 

The Light That Failed 

OCTOBER SIXTEENTH 

A colored gentleman who insisted on getting 
me pie when I wanted something else, demanded 
information about India. I gave him some facts 
about wages. 

"Oh, hell !" said he, cheerfully, "that wouldn't 
keep me in cigars for a month." 

Then he fawned on me for a ten-cent piece. 
Later he took it upon himself to pity the na- 
tives of India. "Heathens," he called them — 
this woolly one, whose race has been the butt 

[99] 



of every comedy on the native stage since the 
beginning. And I turned and saw by the head 
upon his shoulders that he was a Yoruba man. 

American Politics 
OCTOBER SEVENTEENTH 
Two things greater than all things are, 
The first is Love, and the second War. 
And since we know not how War may prove, 
Heart of my heart, let us talk of Love! 

, The Ballad of the King's Jest 

OCTOBER EIGHTEENTH 

Unless you take precious good care, you will 
fall under the damnation of the check-book, and 
that's worse than death. You will get drunk — 
you're half drunk already — on easily acquired 
money. For that money and your own infernal 
vanity you are willing deliberately to turn out 
bad work. You'll do quite enough bad work 
without knowing it. 

The Light That Failed 

OCTOBER NINETEENTH 

When you have seen the outside of a few 
hundred thousand of these homes and the in- 
sides of a few score, you begin to understand 
why the American (the respectable one) does 
not take a deep interest in what they call "poli- 
tics," and why he is so vaguely and generally 
proud of the country that enables him to 'be 
so comfortable. How can the owner of a dainty 
chalet, with smoked-oak furniture, imitation 
Venetian tapestry curtains, hot and cold water 

I 100 ] 



laid on, a bed of geraniums and hollyhocks, a 
baby crawling down the veranda, and a self- 
acting twirly-whirly hose gently hissing over the 
grass in the balmy dusk of an August evening — 
how can such a man despair of the Republic, or 
descend into the streets on voting days and mix 
cheerfully with "the boys"? 

America's Defenceless Coasts 

OCTOBER TWENTIETH 

"Ah!" broke in Mulvaney, "ye'd no chanst 
against the maraudin' psalm-singer. They'll take 
the airs an' the graces instid av the man nine 
times out av ten, an' they only find the blunder 
later — the wimmen." 

On Greenhow Hill 

OCTOBER TWENTY-FIRST 

If He play, being young and unskilful, for 

shekels of silver and gold. 
Take His money, my son, praising Allah. The 

kid was ordained to be sold. 

Certain Maxims of Hafiz 

OCTOBER TWENTY-SECOND 

You must remember, though you will not un- 
derstand, that all laws weaken in a small and 
hidden community where there is no public 
opinion. 

A Wayside Comedy 

OCTOBER TWENTY-THIRD 

Dere was too much Ego in his Cosmos. Dot 
is der soul-custom of monkeys. 

Bimi 
[lOl] 



OCTOBER TWENTY-FOURTH 

In the wilderness of the railway shops — and 
machinery that planes and shaves, and bevels 
and stamps, and punches and hoists and nips — 
the first idea that occurs to an outsider, when 
he has seen the men who people the place, is 
that it must be the birthplace of inventions — 
a pasture-ground of fat patents. If a writing- 
man, who plays with shadows and dresses dolls 
that others may laugh at their antics, draws 
help and comfort and new methods of working 
old ideas from the stored shelves of a library, 
how, in the name of Commonsense, his god, can 
a doing-man, whose mind is set upon things 
that snatch a few moments from flying Time 
or put power into weak hands, refrain from 
going forward and adding new inventions to the 
hundreds among which he daily moves? 

City of the Dreadful Night 

OCTOBER TWENTY-FIFTH 

"It's a chromo," said he, — "a chromo-litholeo- 
margarine fake! What possessed him to do 
it? And yet how thoroughly he has caught the 
note that catches a public who think with their 
boots and read with their elbows !" 

The Light That Failed 

OCTOBER TWENTY-SIXTH 

When love rejected turns to hate, 
All ill betide the man. 

Ballad of Fisher's Boarding-House 
[102] 



OCTOBER TWENTY-SEVENTH 

It is well to be of a cultured intelligence, but 
in time of trouble the weak human mind re- 
turns to the creed it sucked in at the breast, and 
if that creed be not a pretty one, trouble follows. 

The Mutiny of the Mavericks 

OCTOBER TWENTY-EIGHTH 

And the girl said: "O Pathan, look into my 
eyes!" And I turned, leaning upon her breast, 
and looked into her eyes swearing that I spoke 
the very Truth of God. But she answered: 
"Never friend waited friend with such eyes. 
Lie to God and the Prophet, but to a woman ye 
cannot lie." 

Dray Wara Yow Dee 

OCTOBER TWENTY-NINTH 

Men who stand or fall by the errors of their 
opponents may be forgiven for turning Chance 
into Design. 

The Drums of the Fore and Aft 

OCTOBER THIRTIETH 

I cannot check my girlish blush. 

My color comes and goes; 
I redden to my finger-tips, 

And sometimes to my nose. 
But She is white where white should be. 

And red where red should shine. 
The blush that flies at seventeen 

Is fixed at forty-nine. 

My Rival 
[103] 



OCTOBER THIRTY-FIRST 

When a man is a Commissioner and a bache- 
lor and has the right of wearing open-work 
jam-tart jewels in gold and enamel on his clothes, 
and of going through a door before every one 
except a Member of Council, a Lieutenant-Gov- 
ernor, or a Viceroy, he is worth marrying. At 
least, that is what ladies say. 

Cupid's Arrows 



[104] 



Ji^obembet 



NOVEMBER FIRST 

WHO is the happy man? He that sees in 
his own house at home, little children 
crowned with dust, leaping and falling and cry- 
ing. 

The Story of Muhammad Din 

NOVEMBER SECOND 

Never, never, never tell your wife anything 
that you do not wish her to remember and think 
over all her life. Because a woman — yes, I am 
a woman — can't forget. 

The Garden of Eden 

NOVEMBER THIRD 

Men often do their best work blind, for some 
one else's sake. 

Wressley of the Foreign Office 

NOVEMBER FOURTH 

That season, came up to Simla one of these 
crazy people with only a single idea. These 
are the men who make things move; but they 
are not nice to talk to. 

A Germ, Destroyer 
[105] 



NOVEMBER FIFTH 

There is no domestic privacy in America. If 
there was, what the deuce would the papers do? 

America's Defenceless Coasts 

NOVEMBER SIXTH 

Next to a requited attachment, one of the 
most convenient things that a young man can 
carry about with him at the beginning of his 
career, is an unrequited attachment. It makes 
him feel important and businesslike, and blase, 
and cynical; and whenever he has a touch of 
liver, or suffers from want of exercise, he can 
mourn over his lost love, and be very happy in 
a tender, twilight fashion. 

On the Strength of a Likeness 

NOVEMBER SEVENTH 

A much-discerning Public hold 
The Singer generally sings 
Of personal and private things, 

And prints and sells his past for gold. 

Whatever I may here disclaim, 
The very clever folk I sing to 
Will most indubitably cling to 

Their pet delusion, just the same. 

La Nuit Blanche 

NOVEMBER EIGHTH 

I never made a mistake in my life — at least, 
never one that I couldn't explain away after- 
ward. 

The Education of Otis Yeere 

[io6] 



NOVEMBER NINTH 

Men are occasionally particular, and the least 
particular men are always the most exacting. 



At the Pit's Mouth 



NOVEMBER TENTH 

So long as Lust or Lucre tempt 

Straight riders from the course, 
So long as with each drink we pour 

Black brewage of Remorse, ' 

So long as those unloaded guns 

We keep beside the bed 
Blow off, by obvious accident, 

The lucky owner's head, 

// you love me as I love you, 
^ What can Life kill or Death undof 

An Old Song 



NOVEMBER ELEVENTH 

The faith that sends a man into the wilder- 
ness, and the secular energy which enables him 
to cope with an ever-growing demand for medi- 
cal aid, must, in time, find their reward. If 
patience and unwearying self-sacrifice carry any 
merit, they should do so soon. To-day the peo- 
ple are willing enough to be healed, and the 
general influence of the Padre-Sahib is very 
great. 

Letters of Marque 
[107] 



NOVEMBER TWELFTH 

It is a horrible thing to hear a man cry. A 
woman can sob from the top of her palate, or 
her lips, or anywhere else, but a man cries from 
his diaphragm, and it rends him to pieces. Also, 
the exhibition causes the throat of the on-looker 
to close at the top. 

The Man Who Was 

NOVEMBER THIRTEENTH 

A woman may love one man and despise an- 
other, but on general feminine principles she 
will do her best to save the man she despises 
from being defrauded. Her loved one can look 
to himself, but the other man, being obviously 
an idiot, needs protection. 

The Light That Failed 

NOVEMBER FOURTEENTH 

A conspirator detests ridicule. More men have 
been stabbed with Lucrezia Borgia daggers and 
dropped into the Thames for laughing at head 
centres and triangles than for betraying secrets; 
for this is human nature. 

The Mutiny of the Mavericks 

NOVEMBER FIFTEENTH 

My brother, when the desire of a man is set 
upon one thing alone, he fears neither God nor 
Man nor Devil. 



What love so deep as hate? 

Dray Warn Yow Dee 

[io8] 



NOVEMBER SIXTEENTH 

The tumult and the shouting dies — 

The Captains and the Kings depart — 
Still stands Thine ancient sacrifice, 

An humble and a contrite heart. 
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet. 
Lest we forget — lest we forget! 

Recessional 



NOVEMBER SEVENTEENTH 

The ideal soldier should, of course, think for 
himself — the Pockethook says so. Unfortunately, 
to attain this virtue, he has to pass through the 
phase of thinking of himself, and that is mis- 
directed genius. 

The Drums of the Fore and Aft 

NOVEMBER EIGHTEENTH 

"I don't suppose American girls are much dif- 
ferent from English ones in instinct." 

"Isn't it Theophile Gautier who says that the 
only differences between country and country lie 
in the slang and the uniform of the police?" 

Now, in the name of all the gods at once, what 
is one to say to a young lady (who in England 
would be a person) who earns her own bread, 
and very naturally hates the employ, and slings 
out-of-the-way quotations at your head? That 
one falls in love with her goes without saying, 
but that is not enough. 

American Politics 
[lOp] 



NOVEMBER NINETEENTH 

There's a vast o' fightin' i' th' Bible, and there's 
a deal of Methodists i' th' army; but to hear 
chapel folk talk yo'd think that soldierin* were 
next door, an' t'other side, to hangin'. I' their 
meetin's all their talk is o' fightin'. When Sammy 
Strother were stuck for summat to say in his 
prayers, he'd sing out, "The sword o' th' Lord 
and o' Gideon." They were alius at it about 
puttin' on th' whole armor o' righteousness, an' 
fightin' the good fight o' faith. And then, atop 
o' 't all, they held a prayer-meetin' ower a young 
chap as wanted to 'list, and nearly deafened him, 
till he picked up his hat and fair ran away. And 
they'd tell tales in th' Sunday-school o' bad lads 
as had been thumped and brayed for bird-nesting 
o' Sundays and playin' truant o' week days, and 
how they took to wrestlin', dog-fightin', rabbit- 
runnin', and drinkin', till at last, as if 'twere a 
hepitaph on a gravestone, they damned him 
across th' moors wi', an' then he went and 'listed 
for a soldier, an' they'd all fetch a deep breath, 
and throw up their eyes like a hen drinkin'. 

On Greenhow Hill 



NOVEMBER TWENTIETH 

If we make light of our work by using it for 
our own ends, our work will make light of us, 
and, as we're the weaker, we shall suffer. 

The Light That Failed 
[IIO] 



NOVEMBER TWENTY-FIRST 

He sendeth us years that are good, 

As He sendeth the dearth. 

He giveth to each man his food, 

Or Her food to the Earth. 

Our Kings and our Queens are afar — 

On their peoples be peace — 

God bringeth the rain to the Bar, 

That our cattle increase. 

What the People Said 

NOVEMBER TWENTY-SECOND 

There's more in a week of life than in a lively 
weekly. 

The Light That Failed 

NOVEMBER TWENTY-THIRD 

She was so good, she made him worse ; 
(Some women are like this, I think.) 

The Mare's Nest 

NOVEMBER TWENTY-FOURTH 
God bless the Squire 
And all his rich relations 
W^ho teach us poor people 
We eat our proper rations — 

We eat our proper rations, 

In spite of inundations. 

Malarial exhalations, 

And casual starvations, 
We have, we have, they say we have — 
We have our proper rations ! 

The Masque of Plenty 
[III] 



NOVEMBER TWENTY-FIFTH 

Which nobody can deny! 

If he does he tells a lie — 

We are all as willing as Barkis — 

We all of us loves the Markiss — 

We all of us stuffs our ca-ar-kis — 

With food until we die! 

The Masque of Plenty 

NOVEMBER TWENTY-SIXTH 
Glory's no compensation for a belly-ache. 

The Courting of Dinah Shadd 

NOVEMBER TWENTY-SEVENTH 

"Cats is dogs, and rabbits is dogs, and so's 
parrots. But this 'ere tortoise is an insect, so 
there ain't no charge," as the old porter said. 

A Hindoo is a Hindoo and a brother to the 
man who knows his vernacular. And a French- 
man is French because he speaks his own lan- 
guage. But the American has no language. He 
is dialect, slang, provincialism, accent, and so 
forth. 

At the Golden Gate 

NOVEMBER TWENTY-EIGHTH 

Seek not for favor of women. So shall you 

find it indeed. 
Does not the boar break cover just when you're 

lighting a weed? 

Certain Maxims of Hafia 
[112] 



NOVEMBER TWENTY-NINTH 

It is well on the threshold of a journey to be 
taught reverence and awe. 

But there is no reverence in the Globe-Trotter : 
he is brazen. A Young Man from Manchester 
was travelling to Bombay in order — how the 
words hurt! — to be home by Christmas. He 
had come through America, New Zealand, and 
Australia, and finding that he had ten days to 
spare at Bombay, conceived the modest idea of 
"doing India." "I don't say that I've done it 
all; but you may say that I've seen a good deal." 
Then he explained that he had been "much 
pleased" at Agra, "much pleased" at Delhi and, 
last profanation, "very much pleased" at the Taj. 
Indeed he seemed to be going through life just 
then "much pleased" at everything. With rare 
and sparkling originality he remarked that India 
was a "big place," and that there were many 
things to buy. 

Letters of Marque 

NOVEMBER THIRTIETH 

Though you mayn't know it, the Lord is a 
just and a terrible God, with a very strong sense 
of humor. 

The Light That Failed 



[113] 



December 

DECEMBER FIRST 

MAN that is born of woman is small po- 
tatoes and few in a hill. 

The Head of the District 

DECEMBER SECOND 

Open and obvious devotion from any sort of 
man is always pleasant to any sort of woman. 

On the Strength of a Likeness 

DECEMBER THIRD 

Pleasant it is for the Little Tin Gods 

When great Jove nods; 
But Little Tin Gods make their little mistakes 
In missing the hour when great Jove wakes. 

A Germ Destroyer 

DECEMBER FOURTH 

A good man, once started, goes forward; but 
an average man, as soon as the woman loses in- 
terest in his success as a tribute to her power, 
comes back to the battalion and is no more heard 
of. 

Wressley of the Foreign Office 

DECEMBER FIFTH 

And I forgot all about India for ten days 
while I went out to dinners and watched the 
social customs of the people, which are entirely 

[115] 



different from our customs, and was introduced 
to men of many millions. These persons are 
harmless in their earlier stages — that is to say, 
a man worth three or four million dollars may 
be a good talker, clever, amusing, and of the 
world; a man with twice that amount is to be 
avoided, and a twenty-million man is — just 
twenty millions. 

At the Golden Gate 

DECEMBER SIXTH 

The market is dangerously overstocked with 
graduates of our Universities who look for 
employment in the administration. An im- 
mense number are employed, but year by year 
the college mills grind out increasing lists of 
youths foredoomed to failure and disappoint- 
ment, and meanwhile, trade, manufactures, and 
the industrial arts are neglected, and in fact 
regarded with contempt by our new literary man- 
darins in posse. 

The Enlightenments of Pagett, M. P. 

DECEMBER SEVENTH 

This work is very like what men without dis- 
cernment call politics before a general election. 
You pick out and discuss in the company of 
congenial friends all the weak points in your 
opponents' organization, and unconsciously dwell 
upon and exaggerate all their mishaps, till it 
seems to you a miracle that the party holds 
together for an hour. 

The Mutiny of the Mavericks 

[ii6] 



DECEMBER EIGHTH 

Let it be clearly understood that the Russian 
is a delightful person till he tucks his shirt in. 
As an Oriental he is charming. It is only when 
he insists upon being treated as the most easterly 
of Western peoples, instead of the most westerly 
of Easterns, that he becomes a racial anomaly 
extremely difficult to handle. The host never 
knows which side of his nature is going to turn 
up next. 

The Man Who Was 
DECEMBER NINTH 

If, drunk with sight of power, we loose 

Wild tongues that have not Thee in awe — 
Such boastings as the Gentiles use. 

Or lesser breeds without the Law — 
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet. 
Lest we forget — lest we forget' 

Recessional 
DECEMBER TENTH 

My work is everything I have, or am, or hope 
to be, to me, and I believe I've learned the law 
that governs it ; but I've some lingering sense of 
fun left, — though you've nearly knocked it out of 
me. I can just see that it isn't everything to all 
the world. 

The Light That Failed 

DECEMBER ELEVENTH 

When an American wishes to indicate the next 
country or state, he says, "God A'mighty's earth." 
This prevents discussion and flatters his vanity. 

Chicago 
[117] 



DECEMBER TWELFTH 

Let a puppy eat the soap in the bath-room or 
chew a newly blacked boot. He chews and 
chuckles until, by and by, he finds out that black- 
ing and Old Brown Windsor make him very 
sick; so he argues that soap and boots are not 
wholesome. Any old dog about the house will 
soon show him the unwisdom of biting big dog's 
ears. Being young, he remembers and goes 
abroad, at six months, a well-mannered little 
beast with a chastened appetite. If he had been 
kept away from boots, and soap, and big dogs 
till he came to the trinity full-grown and with 
developed teeth, consider how fearfully sick and 
thrashed he would be ! Apply that notion to the 
"sheltered life," and see how it works. It does 
not sound pretty, but it is the better of two evil§. 

Thrown Away 

DECEMBER THIRTEENTH 
Old is the song that I sing — 

Old as my unpaid bills — 
Old as the chicken that kitmutgars bring 

Men at dak-bungalows — old as the Hills. 

Army Headquarters 

DECEMBER FOURTEENTH 

The other sight of the evening was a horror. 
The little tragedy played itself out at a neigh- 
boring table where two very young men and two 
very young women were sitting. . . . And they 
were all four children of sixteen and seventeen. 
Then, recanting previous opinions, I became a 

[ii8] 



prohibitionist. Better it is that a man should 
go without his beer in public places, and con- 
tent himself with swearing at the narrow- 
mindedness of the majority; better it is to poison 
the inside with very vile temperance drinks, and 
to buy lager furtively at back-doors, than to 
bring temptation to the lips of young fools such 
as the four I had seen. I understand now why 
the preachers rage against drink. I have said: 
"There is no harm in it, taken moderately;" 
and yet my own demand for beer helped directly 
to send those two girls reeling down the dark 
street to — God alone knows what end. 

America's Defenceless Coasts 

DECEMBER FIFTEENTH 

"Well, and how does success taste?" said 
Torpenhow, some three months later. 

"Good," said Dick, as he sat licking his lips 
before the easel in the studio. "I want more, 
— heaps more. The lean years have passed, 
and I approve of these fat ones." 

"Be careful, old man. That way lies bad 
work." 

The Light That Failed 

DECEMBER SIXTEENTH 

All th' women i' the congregation dinned it 
to 'Liza 'at she were fair fond to take up wi' 
a wastrel ne'er-do-weel like me, as was scarelins 
respectable an' a fighting dog at his heels. It 
was all very well for her to be doing me good 

[119] 



and saving my soul, but she must mind as she 
didn't do herself harm. They talk o' rich folks 
bein' stuck up an' genteel, but for cast-iron 
pride o' respectability there's naught like poor 
chapel folk. 

On Greenhow Hill 

DECEMBER SEVENTEENTH 

The prince among merchants bid me take no 
heed to the warlike sentiments of some of the 
old generals. 

"The sky-rockets are thrown in for effect," 
quoth he, "and whenever we get on our hind 
legs we always express a desire to chaw up 
England. It's a sort of family affair." 

And, indeed, when you come to think of it, 
there is no other country for the American 
public speaker to trample upon. 

France has Germany; we have Russia; for 
Italy Austria is provided; and the humblest 
Pathan possesses an ancestral enemy. 

Only America stands out of the racket, and 
therefore to be in fashion makes a sand-bag 
of the mother country, and hangs her when 
occasion requires. 

American Politics 

DECEMBER EIGHTEENTH 

Do you suppose men are chosen for appoint- 
ments because of their special fitness before- 
hand? You have all passed a high test — what 
do you call it ?— in the beginning, and, except for 
the few who have gone altogether to the bad, 

[120] 



you can all work hard. Asking does the rest. 
Call it cheek, call it insolence, call it anything 
you like, but ask! Men argue — yes, I know 
what men say — that a man, by the mere audacity 
of his request, must have some good in him. A 
weak man doesn't say : "Give me this and that." 
He whines : "Why haven't I been given this and 
that?" 

The Education of Otis Yeere 

DECEMBER NINETEENTH 

The world of the innocents abroad is a touch- 
ing and unsophisticated place, and its very atmos- 
phere urges the Anglo- Indian unconsciously to 
extravagant mendacity. Can you wonder, then, 
that a guide of long-standing should in time 
grow to be an accomplished liar ? 

Letters of Marque 

DECEMBER TWENTIETH 

Speaking roughly, you must employ either 
blackguards or gentlemen, or, best of all, black- 
guards commanded by gentlemen, to do butcher's 
work with efficiency and despatch. 

The Drums of the Fore and Aft 

DECEMBER TWENTY-FIRST 

He was beginning to learn, not for the first 
time in his experience, that kissing is a cumu- 
lative poison. The more you get of it, the more 
you want. 

The Light That Failed 
[121] 



DECEMBER TWENTY-SECOND 

You know the casual way in which men pass 
on acquaintances in India? It is a great con- 
venience, because you can get rid of a man 
you don't like by writing a letter of introduction 
and putting him with it, into the train. If you 
keep them moving, they have no time to say 
insulting and offensive things. 

A Friend's Friend 

DECEMBER TWENTY-THIRD 

Anyhow, suicide is shirking your work. If I 
was a Job ten times over, I should be so in- 
terested in what was going to happen next that 
I'd stay on and watch. 

At the End of the Passage 

DECEMBER TWENTY-FOURTH 

Pleasant the snaffle of Courtship, improving the 

manners and carriage; 
But the colt who is wise will abstain from the 

terrible thorn-bit of Marriage. 

Certain Maxims of Ha£s 

DECEMBER TWENTY-FIFTH 

Call on Rama, going slowly. 
As ye bear a brother lowly — 
Call on Rama — he may hear, perhaps, your 
voice ! 
With our hymn-books and our psalters 
We appeal to other altars. 
And to-day we bid "good Christian men re- 
joice !" 

[ 122] 



High noon behind the tamarisks — the sun is hot 
above us, 
As at Home the Christmas Day is breaking 
wan. 
They will drink our healths at dinner — those 
who tell us how they love us, 
And forget us till another year be gone ! 

Christmas in India 

DECEMBER TWENTY-SIXTH 

When you ask them what makes them so 
charming, they say : 

"It is because we are better educated than 
your girls, and — and we are more sensible in 
regard to men. We have good times all round, 
but we aren't taught to regard every man as a 
possible husband. Nor is he expected to marry 
the first girl he calls on regularly." 

Yes, they have good times, their freedom is 
large, and they do not abuse it. 

American Politics 

DECEMBER TWENTY-SEVENTH 

To each man his own god, and the fire or 
Mother Earth for us all at the last. 

Nam gay Doola 

DECEMBER TWENTY-EIGHTH 

Love's like line-work : you must go forward 
or backward; you can't stand still. 

The Light That Failed 
[ 123] 



0-. 



DECEMBER TWENTY-NINTH 

Lord be good to me, for I have stud some 
throuble! 

The Courting of Dinah Shadd 

DECEMBER THIRTIETH 

It may be that Fate will give me life and leave 

to row once more — 
Set some strong man free for fighting as I take 

awhile his oar. 
But to-day I leave the galley. Shall I curse her 

service then? 
God be thanked — whate'er comes after, I have 

lived and toiled with Men ! 

The Galley-Slave 

DECEMBER THIRTY-FIRST 
And so I tell you nothing — wish you luck, 
And wonder — how I wonder! — for your sake 
And triumph for my own. You're young, you're 

young, 
You hold to half a hundred Shibboleths. 
I'm old. I followed Power to the last. 
Gave her my best, and Power followed Me. 
It's worth it — on my soul I'm speaking plain. 
Here by the claret glasses! — worth it all. 
I gave — no matter what I gave — I win. 
I know I win. Mine's work, good work that 

lives I 

One Viceroy Resigns 



[124] 



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